A Day In My Shoes
by BellaMay76
Summary: Can Arnold and Helga deal with seeing the world through the other's eyes? And what is going on with Barney and Lila?Chapter21 is submitted for your reading pleasure!
1. Ordinary Day

A/N*** Well here it is, my next fan fiction! Although I loved writing " The Long Road Home," all good things must come to an end. So here it is, an idea I got while reading wishing well switch-I am NOT copying, just inspired by it. Besides, mine is loosely based on it, because they don't switch bodies....you'll see! As always, read and review and let me know what you think, peeps!  
  
I don't own HA! Or any of it's affiliates. I do own this story!  
  
Chapter One No Ordinary Day  
  
" Pheebs, glad I caught you at home, I need you to do me a favor," barked Helga into her dad's cell phone as she walked briskly towards the bus stop. " I am having a caffeine fit here, could you pick me up an iced yahoo cappuccino on the way to the bus? I'd do it myself, but as usual, Miriam has made me late, and you live a lot closer to Slausen's then I do," Helga pleaded as she rubbed her temples lightly.  
  
" Picking up!" Phoebe chirped back, and the phone clicked on both ends. Helga folded up the cell phone and stuck it in her backpack once more. She still liked to think of herself as the terror of P.S. 118, but getting older had softened her a bit. Actually, she was only nicer to Phoebe and Gerald, and the latter was only because he was dating her best friend. Arnold was still "football head," but with less and less incident of confrontation on her part.  
  
She hated to admit it, but sixth grade agreed with her. The mono brow was history, albeit a painful memory from a game of truth or dare gone awry. Once they get singed off, they don't tend to grow back as thick or full. Hence the free "separation", as she called it . Harold and his moronic taunting. Oh well, it had created a softening affect over all once they grew in a little.  
  
Her hair was cut to shoulders, in wispy layers, but was definitely no nonsense in style. The sheer pale blonde was her one great feature, thanks in great part to her Swedish heritage. The Nordic ice blue eyes of her Viking ancestors stared out at the graying sky as she picked up her pace. Far from being ugly, but still a rather unique beauty, Helga was still very standoffish in relationship type situations. Only one guy had ever been brave enough to ask her out since the fourth grade, and once his jaw was unwired, he never mentioned a word to her about it again.  
  
Helga saw the bus lumbering around the corner in the distance, and the first frigid rain drops of the cold autumn morning began to fall tenatively.  
  
""Crimeny, could I be any later?!"  
  
She quickened her pace, and after bolting the last few yards, she just reached her stop before the doors opened.  
  
" Running late again, missy?" the crusty old driver shot, his face in a mock smile.  
  
" Whatever," Helga muttered, holding up her bus pass and making her way down the aisle.  
  
Phoebe sat near the back, a neat white paper cup clutched in her tiny hands. " Good morning, Helga," Phoebe smiled, knowing from experience not to use Japanese on mornings like this.  
  
" Thanks, Pheebs," Helga smiled warily, dropping a handful of coins into Phoebe's available hand as she grabbed the ice cold drink out of the other one. She took a long, appreciative draught off the beverage immediately.  
  
" That's more like it," Helga sighed, rubbing her fingertips over her furrowed brow once more. " I don't think I would be fit for human contact without caffeine," she closed her eyes in relief.  
  
" Perhaps I could start calling you in the morning when mother wakes me, then you wouldn't be delayed as often in your morning routine," Phoebe quipped helpfully. Her short dark hair was razored to hang in light, feathery layers. Her almond shaped eyes shone behind her small wire frames.  
  
" No can do, Bob gets irate if the phone rings before eight a.m.," Helga muttered, digging in her pockets for a breath mint. Locating the green mint, she popped it into her mouth eagerly.  
  
The bus screeched to a halt once more in front of the familiar, red brick boarding house. Helga held her breath involuntarily, keeping her eyes downcast. She heard his footsteps, smelled his warm, clean scent as he passed by her seat. Her insides went all hot and gushy, her sweaty hands clasping a hidden locket that lay tucked between her breast bone and her heart.  
  
Arnold, bane of my existence, keeper of my heart. Each day you pass by me, so sweet, so genteel, so...unavailable! Why do you still pine after a memory? Why not me? I'm not so bad...anymore, that is.  
  
" Helga? You in there?" Arnold leaned over his seat, his face inches from her shoulder.  
  
" Huh? Oh, you talking to me, hair boy?" Helga shot back, but with only about a tenth of the old Pataki venom.  
  
" Yeah, did you get that last Algebra problem on page 64? It was a tricky one," Arnold didn't even acknowledge the foul nicknames anymore. It was more like affection in his eyes, and she wasn't so bad anymore.  
  
" It's x=7a," Helga thumbed through her book, mentally whipping through the problem. Like every other subject, math was no problem at all for her. Arnold, however, was a bit hopeless in that department still.  
  
" Thanks, I did do it wrong," Arnold rubbed quickly at his homework paper with his eraser, changing the answer in one fast motion. " You'll have to explain that one to me after class sometime," he winked with a lopsided grin.  
  
Helga's face flushed beet red, but she shook it off. Was he..flirting with her?  
  
" In your dreams, Einstien," Helga hissed, facing forward so as to avoid further eye contact or conversation.  
  
" Whatever you say, Helga," Arnold muttered, sitting back down..  
  
Can't she lighten up for one stinkin' day? Be the real Helga I know she's hiding? Heck, I could almost like her if she just tried a little harder. If only she acted more like-  
  
...Li-la..Why does he even THINK she'll ever notice him again? Ever since she's been going out with the new kid, Barnie, she never looked twice at him, even as a friend! If only he could spend one day -  
  
..in MY tortured soul, see what she puts me through day after day, night after night. I would like to be her friend, spend real time with her that's not filled with-  
  
..Torment! Sometimes he acts extra nice, like he likes me likes me, then it's like-  
  
...she totally changes into some other person! I wish-  
  
...he could spend-  
  
...24 hours-  
  
...in MY shoes!  
  
A quick crack of lightning, brighter than midday filled the severe dark sky. Rain pelted the bus windows, the heavens opened up upon them  
  
And then Arnold felt it...  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ Well that's it for now, I know it's short, but I want to get into the good stuff next chapter! Let me know if you get the basic idea. Hope the POV jumping didn't confuse anyone. R/R please! 


	2. Losing My Mind

A/N*** Many thanks to all the exceptional reviewers! I don't have my list in front of me, but I will acknowledge everyone in the next chapter so's I can get this one up. This is going to be a different twist on most of these types of stories, so let me know if I am being a complete moron, (even if I am being a partial moron, let me know!)  
  
On with the show!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own HA! Yet....  
  
Chapter 2 Losing My Mind  
  
Arnold peeked around the corner of his bus seat at her...Helga G. Pataki. His heart did an unfamiliar flip-flop, and he felt nervous and fevered. He ducked back in his seat, his chest pounding. What't wrong with me? He thought anxiously. Why do I suddenly feel like I..  
  
Can live without him? Helga wondered, her mind utterly confused. She felt a sudden jolt, and it was like all she felt for Arnold was mild curiosity and concern. She knew she was SUPPOSED to love him, but it just wasn't prominent like before. In a way, it was freeing, she no longer felt flushed and anxious around him.  
  
" Gerald, do you have a copy of our yearbook on you?" Arnold fidgeted in his seat, feeling as though everyone was going to somehow figure out his new found feelings for Helga. His eyes darted nervously through the crowd.  
  
" Sure, buddy, why?" Gerald eyed him with interest.  
  
" No reason, I just wanted to see...how Lila's picture turned out, that's all," Arnold lied as best he could.  
  
" Didn't she give you a new one just yesterday?" Gerald cocked an eyebrow in disbelief.  
  
" Oh yeah, silly me. I meant I wanted to see..how it looks in black and white," Arnold's pulse raced. He knows!  
  
" I don't know," Helga whispered to Phoebe, her blonde head leaned in close with her friend. " It's like all the sudden, I don't really care what anyone thinks about me. In a completely different way. Like I almost feel, I don't know. Peaceful?"  
  
" That is strange indeed," Phoebe agreed, " but perhaps, a blessing as well? I don't know what could have caused such an extreme change in perspective and personality so quickly, but I would explore this new side of yourself carefully,"  
  
" Seriously, Man, you are freaking me out," Gerald murmured to Arnold, who was now scribbling fervently in his science notebook. He had borrowed Rhonda's sky blue pen and had been writing like a mad man ever since. " What in blue blazes are you doing, unfinished homework?"  
  
" Sort of," Arnold muttered, his eyes shining with passion. He scribbled on with vigor.  
  
Darling Angel, Eyes of blue  
  
How long have I been in love with You? Under your spell I forever remain I tell no one of my tortured pain Someday you will know The full extent of this report Or my name isn't Arnold-  
  
"...short attention span!" Gerald's words finally penatrated his thoughts. He quickly finished writing and shoved the notebook haphazardly in his backpack. " Huh?" he asked breathlessly.  
  
" I said you seem to have the shortest attention span I have ever seen! Did you get enough sleep last night,man?" Gerald was clearly growing impatient with his erratic behavior.  
  
" Of course I got enough sleep, Hair-" Arnold cut his words short, clamping his hands over his mouth in disbelief.  
  
" What were you about to say?" Gerald's eyes bugged out in shock.  
  
" Nothing, too much time spent around Monobrow, that's all," Arnold spat in an unfamiliar tone.  
  
" Okay, I assume you speak of one Miss Helga Pataki, but my friend, since that unfortunate bottle rocket slash gasoline incident of Harold's, the brow has been seperated. Why the sudden need for name calling anyways, Poppa Theresa?"  
  
" I uh, am just tired, that's all," Arnold's mind was spiraling out of control. Okay, just pull yourself together, Arnold ol' chap, he thought hurridly. There has to be a logical reason that I just all of the sudden worship the ground that Helga walks on, and am snapping at my best friend and-  
  
" ..I guess you could say I feel like a whole new person," Helga finished as the bus screeched to a halt. She stepped into the aisle, only to brush up against her beloved. She felt warm and somewhat attracted to him, but wasn't overwhelmed as she usually was.  
  
" Oops, sorry Arnold," She commented, stepping back out of his way.  
  
Arnold swooned. She talked to me! And she said she was sorry! Ohhhh!  
  
" Yeah, well watch where you're going, Pinky," Arnold spat, shoving past the stunned trio of Gerald, Phoebe and a gape mouthed Helga.  
  
" That boy needs to stay off the internet," Gerald murmured apologetically. " He didn't get enough sleep, apparently," he explained to Phoebe with a red face. He couldn't even make eye contact with Helga.  
  
" It's alright, Gerald. After the way I've treated him for the past 8 years, I suppose I had it coming," Helga answered evenly. " Let's go, Pheebs. I have chem first hour and I need to go over my notes before class,"  
  
Gerald's mouth hung open in surprise. Phoebe gently lifted a finger to his jaw and pushed it closed. " Coming!" Phoebe chimed. She kissed Gerald hurridly on his cheek. " I have no idea what's up with either of them. We'll just have to keep a close eye on our friends," Phoebe whispered as she ran after Helga.  
  
" You got that right," Gerald sighed in exasperation. " Mmm mm MMM! Helga being nice? Arnold snapping at everyone? Nothing would surprise me now,"  
  
" FREEEEEEEEEEEE! ALL THE ANIMALS ARE FRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE! COME WITH ME MY LABORATORY FRIENDS!!!!!" Curly ran screaming down the hall clad in only a lab coat and a pink tutu. A stream of white mice and frogs scurried through the corridors after him, causing many kids to jump back, screeching in horror.  
  
" I stand corrected," Gerald laughed lightly, searching the halls for his moody friend.  
  
Arnold sat behind stacks of books in the library, scissors in hand. He had fashioned a makeshift heart from red construction paper from the art department supplies closet, and was now feverishly cutting away at the new yearbook he had just raided from his locker.  
  
He looked around anxiously. Sensing that the coast was clear, he cut out her picture hastily and glued it on the paper heart. He then rushed over to the library's laminating machine, ran it through, then trimmed it again. He clipped a keychain attachment to it, then shoved it under his shirt along with his house key.  
  
Arnold heard a familiar voice coming down the aisle. " I just need to see if I caught all of Mr. Packenham's boring speech on ribosomes," Helga chattered uncharacteristically as she strolled through the library with Phoebe close at her side.  
  
Helga! Arnold leapt behind the nearest trash can, knocking the new foreign exchange student to the floor. " Sacre Bleu!" he screeched, pulling himself up in a huff. Arnold shushed him through gritted teeth, then peered around the garbage can at Helga.  
  
Helga..beautiful sphinx, a mystery wrapped in an enigma. How I love you...and yet.  
  
His grip tightened on the keychain bearing her likeness,  
  
How I despise you! How can you look blindly past me, never seeing how much I truly care for you, have loved you and never realized it myself. Why can't you be kind so that I may return your feelings without looking like a fool? Why-  
  
Arnold heard the harsh, shallow wheezing before he actually saw him. Brainy?  
  
" What are you doing? Get out of here before someone sees me!" Arnold hissed at him, shoving his Helga keychain out of sight.  
  
" Uh... (wheeze)...Hey...(wheeze)"  
  
Without even thinking, Arnold clenched his fist, preparing to knock Brainy's lights out. He caught himself before doing so, however.  
  
" Get out of here before I sock you," Arnold muttered, surprised at the words as they escaped his lips. He would never hit anyone, let alone Brainy! What was wrong with him today?  
  
" I wish I knew what's up with me today," Helga shook her head. " I have been hung up on ..ice cream, since like, preschool. Now, it's like, I know in the depths of my soul that I love him, but it's like I'm in some sort of denial," Helga shrugged her shoulders. " Beats me," she smiled in a funny, lopsided grin.  
  
" When did you start feeling so much at ease with ..ice cream?" Phoebe wrote patiently in her notebook as she questioned Helga.  
  
" I don't know, this morning? It's just so bizzare. Well, I'll figure it out after first period, I have to go," Helga scooped her books up and headed down the hall.  
  
Phoebe examined her notes carefully.  
  
Helga is acting uncharacteristically patient, kind, and empathetic. Arnold is acting uncharacteristically boorish, rude, and suspicious. Neither has openly acknowledged feelings towards one another since Helga's confession and recantation in the fourth grade.  
  
Strange, indeed. I wonder if by some cosmic intervention, they have somehow switched life roles? Seemingly impossible, but what else could explain the sudden role reversals?  
  
Phoebe pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her delicate nose and closed her notebook, exiting the library as well.  
  
Arnold sighed, pulling himself to an upright position as the library cleared. Something was wrong, he just knew it. This morning, all the world was right. He loved Lila, he was clear headed and still trying to befriend Helga, as usual. Now, it was like Lila was a bitter taste in his mouth, a thorn in his side, of sorts. He had never felt that irritated by her as he did now. And Helga! What was up with that? Out of nowhere he couldn't keep his eyes or his thougths off of her. Had he always felt this way about her, just not noticed it?  
  
That'd be a pretty big oversight on my part. How could I not see how beautiful she is? If only she wasn't such a brat all the time, I could confess my love, tell her that Lila is indeed a part of my past. NO, what am I saying? And I thought if Helga could spend a day in my shoes, she'd see how impossible she was. Now I adore her? That doesn't make sense.  
  
He kissed the makeshift locket of sorts absentmindedly and grabbed his own backpack, rushing towards class. He just had enough time to make Algebra before the bell rang.  
  
**** Okay, I know this one wasn't as good as my opener, and maybe I got them into their alter egos rather quickly. Just rememeber, it'll be following them in this state for only 24 hours, just like the wish! Any suggestions or critiques are welcome, as I am getting nervous about my abilities with this story! Thanks to all my reviewers, I'll name ya'll next chapter! 


	3. The Stranger Inside Me

A/A*** Thanks to ALL my supporters, you make writing this story an absolute joy! Special Thanks to Crystal Tear, who said my writing must reflect my personality! You are so sweet!  
  
As a woman of my word, I try to name all the great people who review my stories. It's my way of saying thanks for all the joy y'all give me: As always, my most faithful reviewers, WillyD, CrystalTear1, DarthRoden (Greetings!) midnightoasis, Aphine Leonsoul, Gwynn and G-Fan Metallium. Also my new reviewers, Cherry Shadow Z, Brat Child 2, Anaii, Psy-Girl 1 (thanks again for the heads up on my settings!) Golden Lunar Eclipse, and SansCorpus, you guys are the greatest, thank you!  
  
I try to follow all of your stories as well. I absolutely love all the ones I've read of my reviewers; I am in excellent company. Okay, enough shameless groveling, (J/K!) On with the show!  
  
Chapter 3 The Stranger Inside Me  
  
" This day could officially go down in the history books as the weirdest one of my life," Helga frowned as she ate her turkey sandwich. She'd given up long ago on the idea of her mom packing anything more than crackers, moist towlettes and shaving cream for lunch (long story) and had been doing it herself for almost 2 years. The sandwich tasted like sawdust as she contemplated her day so far.  
  
After being strangely drawn to pay more attention in chemistry class, she was approached for advice by none other than Rhonda Wellington Lloyd. " I simply must know what to do about Curly," Rhonda had lamented, her eyes wide with terror. "I go on one measly mercy date with him, and when I didn't call him back, he let all the lab animals in the school loose! What should I do?"  
  
The weirdest part of that conversation, however, was Helga's response. " Just sit him down and talk to him, Rhonda. Everyone can be reasoned with. If you keep avoiding him, it's just going to make things worse," Helga had replied without even thinking.  
  
" Are you sure Helga?" Rhonda eyed her nervously.  
  
" Yes, I am sure. Believe me, it's the right.."  
  
Helga had stopped there, knowing the next words that would fall from her lips. The right thing to do! What in the world was up with her today?  
  
" It sounds to me like you are experiencing some new found patience and compassion," Phoebe answered, taking a sip of her apple juice. " It's actually quite refreshing, Helga,"  
  
" Yeah, but get this," Helga started  
  
" I saw her, Gerald, and I couldn't even move," Arnold sat hunched over his lunch tray, picking up different foodstuffs at random, taking one bite, and then chucking it. Nothing tasted right to him.  
  
" Who couldn't you take your eyes off of, Romeo?" Gerald was used to Arnold's easy in and out of love problems, but his paranoid and gruff behavior was making him leery of his best friend.  
  
" Uh...Lila. Yes, that's who I meant to say," Arnold mentally smacked himself. Hold it together, you almost slipped up, moron!  
  
"Who you....meant to say?" Gerald paused, his spoon full of pudding frozen in mid air.  
  
" Heh heh heh. I mean, it's ALWAYS Lila, isn't it? Silly me," Arnold licked his fork, grimacing. " Is it just me, or does this whip cream taste like hickory smoked cheddar cheese fizz?"  
  
" So you mean to say you ran into Arnold 3 times in the hallway today, and each time he did what?" Phoebe was leaning over her avocado rolls with great interest.  
  
" He was so rude! He would stare at me a moment, then shake his head and spout crap like, "Watch where you're going, pinky, or, hey, I'm walking here, brow girl!" I don't know what's come over him lately. He's acting more like me than I am!" Helga shook her head and downed the rest of her chocolate milk.  
  
Phoebe's avocado roll dropped instantly from her fingers at those words, however.  
  
" And I can't believe Gertie didn't at least pack an edible lunch today!" Arnold muttered vehemently. He rose with a huff and hurled his semi empty tray at the already growing pile. " I swear, if she makes one more watermelon casserole, I'm gonna hurl!"  
  
Gerald shrugged his shoulders dismissively. " Who's Gertie?" he asked lightly.  
  
" My Grandma, doi" Arnold shot, kicking a soda can out of his path as they exited the cafeteria. " Sheesh, they didn't have tapioca pudding on the menu today, either!"  
  
" I have no idea what you are rambling about, buddy, but you sure have been irate today,"Gerald muttered with a sigh.  
  
" Irate? Yeah you could say that, Mr. Observant. The real question is why?" Arnold grew quiet for a moment. His eyes squinted involuntarily as he replayed the day's events in his head. All was fine when he got up. In fact, he had been in a rather good mood. Then the bus ride started pretty uneventful, 'til Helga had to get so snotty about helping him with his math.....  
  
Helga...why did he feel so conflicted about her today?  
  
" Yeah, well all I know is, you started gettin' weird about half way to school," Gerald shot, getting clearly annoyed by the name-calling.  
  
" Well you'd be a little pissy after the way Helga was acting this morning, too," Arnold sneered at the foreign exchange student as he leapt out of their path.  
  
" Mon Deu" he yelped.  
  
" Helga is ALWAYS pissy, Arnold. That's just the way she is. I told you I don't know why you let her get to you," Gerald reached his locker and began turning the combination lock. " I take that back, the way you act today, I think you could give Ms. Pataki a run for her money,"  
  
I wish she could be in my shoes, just for one day....The words resounded in his football shaped head as clearly as he had thought them just hours before.  
  
" Holy Cripes, Gerald, I know what's wrong with me!" Arnold stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes as big as plates.  
  
" What are you talking about? Do I need to take you to the nurse's office?" Gerald folded his arms across his chest in exasperation.  
  
" No time to explain, I gotta go," Arnold tore down the corridor like a shot.  
  
" And just where do you think you're going?" Gerald called, his patience completely spent.  
  
" To find Helga," Arnold yelled in reply, disappearing around the corner, leaving Gerald with his mouth hanging open once again.  
  
@@@@ Hope I'm building up enough suspense! Helga did indeed inherit Arnold's denseness, where as Arnold had Helga's keen senses. Hmmmmm does he suspect what's causing all the problems? Find out next chapter! R/R!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	4. So Close To the Truth

A/A**(Sniff) I am so touched with how everyone encourages this story line! Reviews like the ones I receive from y'all are what keep me updating every day...that and a lot of free time with these early nights! Thanks again for all the nice comments and suggestions. The plot thickens...On with the show!  
  
Chapter 4 So Close To the Truth  
  
" Thanks for the soda, Rhonda," Helga shut her locker with conviction, flashing a rare, lopsided smile in Rhonda's direction. " Lunch didn't taste so hot, so I appreciate the sustenance of good ol' caffeine-laden Yahoo,"  
  
"It's the least I could do, considering your help with the Curly situation," Rhonda gushed in appreciation. " He really did seem to understand that I want to be friends. He says he can be patient," Rhonda rolled her eyes at her last sentence, but she smiled nonetheless.  
  
" No problem," Helga hiked her backpack further up on her shoulder, heading down the hall with Phoebe following nervously. She kept glancing up at Helga, jotting in her notebook the entire time.  
  
Through some sort of cataclysmic turn of events, Helga seems to have taken on Arnold's personality traits and general outlook on life, whereas, presumably, Arnold should also have taken on Helga's personality and views. If Helga knows she still loves Arnold, then a part of her remains herself. But that must mean that Arnold-  
  
"..Is coming this way," Helga muttered, her face suddenly white. " This should be fun," she whispered nervously.  
  
" Helga, I have to talk to you," Arnold panted, clearly out of breath from his marathon run to catch up with her.  
  
" What is it?" Helga asked cautiously, her eyes wide with curiosity.  
  
Arnold wavered. Man, she looked beautiful, her hair shining in the early afternoon light as it poured in through the large floor to ceiling windows that lined the sixth grade halls. She seemed to be outlined in gold, glowing and floating just inches above the gray tile floors. Helga...  
  
Arnold smacked his forehead. What was he doing? If his assumptions were correct, then Helga and he had switched personalities, and she didn't seem to have a clue! This was his chance, to see what it was about her that made her so unbearable, to finally discover if there was any merit behind that roof top confession 2 years prior to this. Living a day with her moodiness, outlooks and suspicions could resolve many of his own conflicted feelings towards her.  
  
" What were you going to say, Arnold?" Helga blinked her luminous blue eyes, practically causing Arnold to swoon right there. He recovered quickly, however.  
  
" I was just going to say, to uh, stay out of my way today, pinky, I'm not in the mood for you," Arnold glared, his eyes cold as stone.  
  
" Uh, Whatever you say, Arnold, " Helga lowered her eyelids, looking vaguely irritated at his rudeness. " C'mon Pheebs, class in 5 minutes," Helga stalked past him, minus the usual swagger.  
  
Phoebe eyed Arnold with great interest, jotted a last minute thought in her notebook, and followed faithfully.  
  
" Phew! That was close!" Arnold ducked behind the tall wastebasket next to Helga's locker. He watched intently as the three girls disappeared around the corner.  
  
Man, Rhonda looked as shocked as Helga did when he let her have it. Okay, first things first. Since I all of the sudden just worship the ground she walks on, does that mean I really do love her? Or is it just because I kind of like her in my reality and my feelings are intensified from her strong will? Arnold rubbed his throbbing temples, gathering his books and his thoughts as he did so.  
  
One thing was for sure, Gerald would never believe this, nor did he think he wanted to explain to him that he'd been looking at Helga a lot more lately than usual, even before this.  
  
He pulled the makeshift locket out and gazed into the eyes of his beloved. " I'll figure out what makes you tick, my love, even if this beautiful dream comes to an end and I return to my true persona. My sphinx, my angel..."  
  
The harsh wheezing was so close, he could feel the perpetrator's breath on his neck. Involuntarily, his hand flew up in a backwards closed fist, popping him square in the nose in one quick reflex.  
  
" One thing's for sure, I know why she socks him all the time," Arnold muttered, leaving Brainy in a crumpled heap as he headed for class.  
  
Classes ended for the day, and Helga gathered her books, waiting patiently for Phoebe to return from the library. So many people had come to her for advice today! It was flattering at first, but as the day drug on, it got to be quite annoying. She normally would never be the one anybody went to for advice, so the sudden popularity was unnerving.  
  
She glanced up and caught sight of Arnold, and for possibly the first time in her young life, she was instantly filled with dread. " Here he comes again, the walking pessimist," Helga bit her lip. Arnold was usually the picture of optimism! Why was he suddenly so crass with her, so angry? And half the excuses he came up with for talking to her didn't make any sense. Well, at least she wasn't going crazy to the point of distraction today. No, on the contrary, she felt more confident than ever before in her life, but somehow, empty too.  
  
Arnold climbed on to the bus quickly, making sure to sit behind Helga's usual seat. He crouched low, waiting for Gerald to join him. Try as he might, he could not just pretend to be Arnold, he had all these insecurities that would not be quelled.  
  
" Is this seat taken?" Lila paused, standing with one foot linked around the opposite ankle.  
  
" Seat? Uh, yeah. Sorry, Gerald's coming any minute," Arnold glanced at her momentarily, then faced forward again.  
  
" Oh, I see. I just thought since Barnie was absent today and all, and we had an EVER so ugly disagreement last night, that I might sit with an old friend," Lila pouted, batting her red lashes for emphasis. "  
  
" Yeah, well move it along, toots. That ship has sailed," Arnold mouthed back, the words instantly shocking him as they fell from his lips.  
  
" You don't have to be so confrontational, Arnold, a simple yes or no would suffice," Lila sniffed, her green eyes narrowed in anger. She tilted her chin high in the air and marched towards the back, sitting with Stinky Peterson.  
  
Cripes! Now Lila irritated him? Well, she DID seem really shallow and assuming just then. Imagine, the real me would have jumped at the chance to sit with Ms. Perfect-crap, there I go again! I'm sure Helga doesn't dislike her this much. Then again....  
  
Arnold's memory jumped to the time in fourth grade that Helga had dressed up as Lila for one of Rhonda's random masquerade parties. Was that all to get his attention? Okay, now I"M assuming things. Really, Helga, in love with me?  
  
The scene atop the Fti building replayed instantly. Helga, clad in a black trench coat, fedora, and stilts. Helga, trying to avoid his questions..Helga, giving him the best kiss of his entire life as she confessed her undying love for him...  
  
" ..And me, denying that she ever felt that way," Arnold whispered to himself, realization dawning on him like a huge spotlight, "...Or that I loved her in return."  
  
***Well there's a shortie for you! I have the ending and some of the last few chapters thought out, I just have to get my transition chapters outlined! It might be a few days this time before I update again! Thanks for all the love and support, I look forward to reading your stories tonite as well! 


	5. BreakThroughs

A/A**You guys are the BEST! Thanks so much for all the reviews and support, you don't know what a fuel it is to keep updating frequently. I saw that a few people actually went back and read my flop The High School Years and wanted more...all in good time, my pretties! I appreciate all the clammor for new chapters and the suggestions as well, I only hope I can live up to what you all expect!  
  
On with the show!  
  
Chapter 5 Breakthroughs  
  
" I have never been so glad to get off a bus in my life!" Helga sighed as she heaved her backpack onto the kitchen counter. If Arnold threw one more crumpled paper at her... She shook her head and went about gathering ingredients for her favorite after school snack, chocolate milk and pb&j.  
  
Miriam slept soundly on the kitchen counter, her blender not far from her reach. She snored lightly as Helga grabbed a glass for her milk.  
  
" Mom, I'm home," Helga licked a drop of chocolate syrup from her finger. " You awake?"  
  
Helga didn't know exactly why, but she was suddenly concerned with her mother's obvious drunken state.  
  
" Hmm? Oh, Buttercup, I thought that was you," Miriam mumbled, her breath reminiscent of a fermented strawberry daiquiri.  
  
" It's me, HELGA, Mom," Helga frowned, pulling up a bar stool, " And I think we need to talk."  
  
" What about, dear?" Miriam removed her glasses, rubbing her eyes momentarily.  
  
" Your drinking. Mom, it's got to stop. I know, I know, you say it's only a smoothie, but I'm 12, not 3, and I know what's going on. You're going to destroy your health and our family if something doesn't change," A single tear trickled down Helga's cheek, her eyes clouded over with tears.  
  
" You...you really feel that way, honey?" Miriam looked shocked, but attentive.  
  
" Yes, I do," Helga put a hand on her mother's shoulder. " I guess I've known for a real long time that you weren't happy, but I can remember a time when you were,"  
  
" You mean-"  
  
"Yup, when you were working for dad's company,"  
  
" But you said you needed me at home, that you-"  
  
"Mom, I was only nine then. I'm three years older, and if anything positive has come from all of this, I am very independent. Please, for me, for dad and Olga,"  
  
Miriam's normally hazy blue eyes streamed with tears. " Oh Helga, I feel so useless most of the time! You really believe in me, that I can overcome this?"  
  
Helga hugged her mom, smiling " I always have," I just didn't realize it until now...  
  
Arnold sat on his bed, her picture in his hands once again. Helga G. Pataki, the tormentor of his youth, was his true love? At least, that's what he gathered from how he felt every time he saw her. But he was also filled with contempt as well.  
  
" Where does the anger come from? I'm not an angry person," He spoke aloud to her portrait. " But you, on the other hand, you're always pissed about something."  
  
A light knock resounded off of his bedroom door. " Hey shortman, dinner in 20," his grandpa called from the hallway.  
  
" Thanks, PHIL," Arnold yelled in response, irritated by the sudden interruption of his thoughts.  
  
" Kids these days and their new fangled politics, calling their elders by name, why, in MY day.." Grandpa continued to rant to himself all the way back down the stairs.  
  
He shoved the keychain/locket thingy back under his shirt. " If I could only place why she makes me angry, then maybe it'll answer why I always make HER so angry,"  
  
Arnold sat down at his computer, hoping a few good games of BackYard Baseball would calm his nerves. Instead, a smiling picture of an annoying red head stared back from the screensaver.  
  
Lila Sawyer. This was who he thought to be his one and only for the past 3 years. He cared for her like no one else, but she refused to see it, to give him a chance. Now, it was very clear to him what she was really like...a pretty girl with manipulative tendencies.  
  
" Why didn't I see it before?" Arnold muttered, erasing her image from his desktop. Minutes later, an old Mickey Kaeline photo filled the screen. " That's better,"  
  
A memory leapt to his mind, one of Helga dressed up like Lila at that party. He had been having a blast with her, that is, until she took off the Lila costume and came back out on the roof as herself. He'd suddenly become uncomfortable, being confronted with a nice version of Helga, one who still wanted to play pin the tail on the monkey. He hadn't been ready to spend time with her unless....unless she was someone else.  
  
" Oh my word, THAT'S why she gets so mad at me," Arnold leapt to his feet. " I don't ever acknowledge her when she's trying to be nice to me! I mean, I always commend her on being kind to other people, but when she tries to befriend ME, I brush her aside!"  
  
Like the egg project, and trying to make Lila jealous, and ...  
  
Memory after memory flashed through his mind, all the times she tried to convey feelings of real care or concern for HIM, he'd shoved them aside. Man, this was the weirdest reverse therapy session he'd ever envisioned happening to him!  
  
" As Mighty Pete as my witness, I will be ready for you, Helga" Arnold clenched his fists, his jaw set with determination. " I am ready to accept your feelings, if that's what it takes to make things right! To prove whatever I am feeling deep down is real! No longer will you reside in Lila's ever so perfect shadow! No-"  
  
Harsh breathing verbated softly behind his bedroom door. Flinging it open with a vengenance, he heard the satisfying crunch of another pair of glasses made ready for the recycling bin.  
  
" Hey Brainey, when I go back to normal soon, a word of advice," Arnold stooped over his battered form as it lay against the paneled walls of the boarding house. " Leave Helga the HELL ALONE!"  
  
Helga logged off her computer for the night, feeling exhausted from all her do-goody tendencies. In just one day, she had her mother enrolled in an outpatient rehab center and scheduled to work in her dad's office 3 days a week, had Bob re-writing his non refundable contracts, and had even called her sister Olga to see how she was doing in Alaska. " Man, no wonder Arnold always acts so serene, all these good deeds are really freeing,"  
  
Helga frowned at her own comment. This was Arnold's normal foray, not hers. And why was it that just about every time she saw him today, she was filled with dread and anxiety?  
  
" Well, that one's easily enough answered," Helga spoke aloud. She pulled out her long fogotten locket for only the second time that day. " Every time I see him today, it's pinky this and brow girl that, can't he be nice like usual?"  
  
But that's how you normally treat him, a small voice whispered in the recesses of her clouded mind.  
  
The phone rang, jangling her nerves as she reached for it. " Hello?" Helga gulped, her thoughts unsettling.  
  
" Uh, Hi. Is Helga there?" A small voice asked timidly.  
  
" Speaking," Helga answered slowly.  
  
" It's me, Barnie. From class? I was just wondering if you were busy on Saturday?"  
  
" Barnie? Uh, if I'm not mistaken, aren't you Lila's boyfriend? And how did you get my number?" Helga's mouth hung open in shock.  
  
" I got it from Rhonda, and no, Lila and I are a thing of the past,"  
  
" As of when?"  
  
" As of today, when I saw you by the drinking fountain," Barnie stammered nervously. " You were smiling, and well, I guess I've never seen you look more lovely,"  
  
" Thanks for the compliment, but I don't date," Helga blushed despite herself.  
  
" Well, it was worth a try," Barnie murmured. " And Helga? If you ever change your mind, that's and open-ended invite, just to let you know,"  
  
" Thanks, I'll, uh, keep that in mind," Helga answered politely, but hung up the phone with a quickness.  
  
" Okay, I'm officially in the seventh circle of hell! Now goodie-goodie Barnie Bruckheimer is asking me out? Sheesh, I must be being nicer than I thought!" Helga covered the phone with her pillow in exasperation.  
  
***Okay I'm officially struggling with this now, hopefully inspiration will strike soon! I know this wasn't my best work, all I can promise is to bring more humor and twists to the next chapter! Til then, R/R, flame away, which ever you feel like doing!! 


	6. Invisible

A/A***As always, I must thank my faithful readers, without whom this story wouldn't be possible! I waited for inspiration to strike, so I hope this chapter lives up to everyone's expectations! LOVE U GUYS!! On with the show..  
  
Chapter 6 Invisible (semi song based chapter-courtesy of Clay Aiken)  
  
Arnold climbed down the stairs, the smell of salami and potatoes permeating the air of the boarding house.  
  
" Well, at least it isn't watermelon again," he sighed to himself.  
  
" There you are, Mon Capitian! We've been delaying rations dispension in anticipation of your arrival," Grandma was wearing a Napoleon type hat, white knickers and a blue general's jacket. She saluted with her spatula in hand.  
  
" At ease, private loonypants," Arnold snapped involuntarily. He clapped his hands over his mouth with a gulp.  
  
" As you wish, sir," Grandma passed the potatoes in his direction, completely unfazed by his sudden sarcasm.  
  
" Well, Shortman, how are things going with your little friend with the singed off eyebrows?" Grandpa speared a slice of cooked salami and plopped it down atop his mound of mashed potatoes.  
  
" My..friend? We're fine, I mean, SHE'S fine-Uh, everything's okay, why do you ask?" Arnold stammered nervously, sweat beading up on his football- shaped brow.  
  
" Well, I was just wondering, since you aren't regaling us with one of your spirited yarns about her tonight. What, did she actually behave today?" Grandpa cocked an eyebrow with curiosity.  
  
" I bet she was sick," Oskar chewed his food ravenously. " Is that right, Arnold? She was sick today?"  
  
" I bet she moved out of the country!" Ernie laughed, smacking Oskar's wandering fork away absentmindedly. " Hands off, Kokoshka!"  
  
" Now that's not nice, you two," Grandma interjected thoughtfully. " I myself think Eleanor is a delightful young lady, much like myself 68 years ago,"  
  
" I bet she found a new boy friend to torture, is that it?" Mr. Hyunh piped up.  
  
" She wasn't sick, she still lives 5 blocks away, I'm NOT her boyfriend, and for the love of pete, HER NAME IS HELGA! HELGA G. PATAKI! NOT Olga, NOT my "little friend" and definetly NOT ELEANOR!!" Arnold spouted in frustration. " CRIMENY!" He pushed his chair in haphazardly. " I'm going to Slausen's, Grandpa," he shot, grabbing his jacket. " At least I can eat in peace there!"  
  
The slamming door vibrated in the silence of the room. The whole table sat gape mouthed in utter disbelief at Arnold's outburst.  
  
" What does the G stand for?" Oskar interjected in a small voice, breaking the silence.  
  
" Yeah, Pheebs, he really asked me out," Helga breathed into the phone, her body sprawled across her bedspread. " Like I would go out with the likes of Barnie,"  
  
" At least, not as long as icecream is around, am I correct?" Phoebe inquired, her pencil poised above her notepad at the other end of the phone.  
  
" Icecream? Oh, Arnold," Helga replied nonchalantly, acknowledging for the first time aloud that icecream was indeed code for her beloved. " You know, that's the weirdest thing. I feel like I should tell him that I love him, as it would be the right thing to do, but it's like my feelings are being suppressed in some way. I still think he's very attractive, but strangely interesting as well. I feel like.."  
  
"Like what?" Phoebe waited patiently for Helga's reply.  
  
" Like I should be his friend, and then see where things go. Weird, huh? All those times he tried to be MY friend, and now that I'm ready to take that step, he acts like I'm the scum of the earth! Go figure,"  
  
" Helga, I really think we need to talk," Phoebe chewed nervously on the end of her pencil. " I think I can deduce what problem seems to be keeping you from acknowledging your true feelings-"  
  
" Listen, I gotta go. I missed dinner thanks to Barnie's phone call, and me calling you afterwards. I think I'm heading to the falafal hut for a quick bite before bed,"  
  
" But Helga-" Phoebe tried once more to intercept her friend's troubled thoughts.  
  
" See ya at school tomorrow, Pheebs," Helga chirped, clicking the phone instantly.  
  
" Yeah...but which you will I be seeing?" Phoebe mumbled to herself, the dead receiver hanging limp in her hands.  
  
Arnold stalked down the sidewalk, his hands shoved into his pockets. Why did everyone have to give him the third degree about Helga? And why couldn't they show some REAL concern instead of mocking his problems. He shook his head. Was this what home life was like for Helga?  
  
He plopped down in the nearest booth to the door once he entered Slausen's. "Triple neopolitan sundae, extra whip cream and don't spare the nuts," he ordered quickly without thought.  
  
Suddenly, as he lifted his head, he saw her. Walking down the sidewalk was none other than the person who weighed so heavily on his thoughts today.  
  
Helga whistled as she made her way to the falafal hut near Slausen's. She pulled out a 5 dollar bill and ordered.  
  
Arnold pressed his nose against the glass. " There she is, my angel, my darling," He smiled wide as he went all loopy, lost in the sight of her. He shook his head as well, trying to clear his thoughts.  
  
Where you going tonight Wish I could be A fly on your wall  
  
Helga chewed thoughtfully as her mind returned to the day's events. She thought of Arnold, and how aloof he'd been all day. Why was he being such a pessimistic loner today? If only she could read his mind...  
  
Are you really alone I wish I could read What goes through your mind...  
  
Arnold pushed aside his long awaited dessert, peering through the glass at her. " Oh bright angel, if only I could go to you, speak the true depths of my soul and make you see how much I truly..."  
  
What would it take for you to see that I'm alive?  
  
If I was invisible Then I could just watch you in your room If I was invincible, I'd make you mine tonight  
  
"...love you" Helga thought. Yeah, if she really did love him the way that she thought she did, then why was she now afraid of him?  
  
" Because she'd break my heart," he whispered to himself.  
  
If hearts were unbreakable Then I could just tell you where I stand I would be the smartest man  
  
If I was invisible..  
  
Arnold watched Helga walk away. She looked up at the window momentarily, but it was like she didn't see him at all. He hung his head in dispair.  
  
Wait...I already am...  
  
*****Well another chapter come and gone. It's almost been 24 hours, so now we get to the REAL good stuff. Sorry this one wasn't as funny as the others, I wanted to convey how helpless Helga normally feels in Arnold's persona. As always, R/R-you guys are awesome!! 


	7. Helen Of Troy

A/A*** I am so overwhelmed at the response to this story! I used to try to name all my reviewers, but to do so would fill up an entire chapter by itself! So once this story is completed, I promise to acknowledge all my faithful and AWESOME readers in a seperate letter! As always, on with the show!  
  
Chapter 7 Helen of Troy  
  
Helga readied herself for slumber in the usual way: shower, brush hair, brush teeth and pj's. She looked at her reflection as she finished rinsing. Her ice blue eyes almost seemed a warmer hue, closer to aqua. Her pale skin was flushed slightly from her scalding hot shower, but it gave her a healthy glow. If she didn't know any better, she'd think the girl staring back at her was actually quite pretty.  
  
" Man, am I glad THIS day is over," she muttered to herself. If things got any stranger, she was checking into the loony bin, no doubt about it. She had considered calling Dr. Bliss numerous times throughout the day, but hesitated at the last minute every time.  
  
She lifted her arms and slid a tank top over her head. It stuck on something near her heart, and she tugged impatiently. A thunderous clank resounded throughout the tiled blue bathroom as a result.  
  
" What the halibut was that?" Helga wondered, somewhat puzzled by her own choice of lame profanities.  
  
She was about to look out the window to pinpoint where the loud clanging sound came from when her toe ran into something warm and metallic.  
  
Arnold's serene green eyes stared blankly up from the almost forgotten golden locket as it lay on the floor, a single crack in the pristine glass covering. The metal was still comfortably warm from the hot shower she had just exited.  
  
" Arnold," Helga whispered to herself, scooping up the trinket lovingly. " How could I have forgotten about you all day long?"  
  
Almost as though answering herself, the day's events raced through her fragile mind: Arnold, hiding behind trash cans, Arnold, spouting insults and sarcastic remarks at the mere sight of her, Arnold, looking out at her forlornly from the front window at Slausen's...  
  
"Wait a cotton pickin' minute, where did that come from?" Helga scratched her head. She didn't recall seeing Arnold at Slausen's earlier. Was she just imagining that desperate picture of him in her head, his face pressed up against the glass, wide-eyed and melancholy?  
  
" Naw, I know she didn't see me," Arnold mumbled to himself as he signed off his computer for the night. " She looked right through me. Does that mean that I normally treat her that way?  
  
There was a light knock on the door. " What do you want?" Arnold barked, ready to knock out Mr. Kokoshka if he asked one more time for his leftover dinner in the fridge.  
  
" It's me, Shortman. I was wondering if your ol' grandpa could have a word with you," Grandpa's voice filled the hallway.  
  
" I guess so, bucko. It's your dime," Arnold opened the door hesitantly.  
  
" Well, how was Slausens? Didn't eat any raspberry sorbet did you? My father only gave me two good words of advice, and one was.."  
  
"..Never eat raspberries, I know. Is that all you wanted, to express your unnatural concern for my colon's well being?" Arnold shot, his arms folded tightly across his chest.  
  
" Uh, no Shortman, that's not it at all. That's called small talk, if you haven't heard of it before. I was coming up here to see what's going on with you today,"  
  
" What do you mean, what's going on with me? Just because everyone was drilling me about Helga, and then NO ONE could get her name right. I was just fed up tonight, okay?"  
  
" Well I understand. Maybe we WERE all teasing you a little, but that's how we always are, Arnold. And you have to admit, normally you have no problem with what any one calls your littl- I mean, Helga," Grandpa placed a tentative hand on his shoulder as he sat down on the edge of his bed.  
  
Arnold sighed heavily. " I know, Grandpa. Things are just...different today," he paused momentarily. " I don't like it when people treat her like she doesn't exist,"  
  
" But isn't that pretty much the way you've always treated her too, shortman?"  
  
" No! I always think about her! How she's feeling, what she's doing, what she's going through-" his words trailed off at the irony of his statement. " I care about her more than I thought,"  
  
" It's about time you realized that," Grandpa chuckled, a warm smile spreading over his weathered face.  
  
" You mean.."  
  
" Yup. It's always been obvious to me, why do you think I told you about the little girl who always tormented me as a boy? Because I could relate, that's why!" The old man laughed yet again.  
  
" Gertie? But that girl was AWFUL! Mean, crude, always teasing you...hey, isn't Grandma's first name-"  
  
" One in the same," Grandpa replied dryly.  
  
" I don't know why I never put that together before," Arnold murmured, the sudden connection painfully obvious now.  
  
" Didn't surprise me a bit, actually, kiddo. You've got my good looks, but your Grandma's denseness I'm afraid," Grandpa stood up, stretching his bent frame momentarily.  
  
" Dense? I guess I never really thought about that, either,"  
  
" Well that point is moot today, that's for sure," Grandpa replied, scratching his chin.  
  
" I guess I've been kind of a jerk. I can't really explain it, but I'm going through this kind of, shall we say, revelation, for lack of better terms." Arnold shook his head apologetically.  
  
" That's all right, Arnold. You're still my very favorite grandson,"  
  
" I'm your ONLY grandson," Arnold shot sarcastically, but a smile played on his lips.  
  
" That's more like it," Grandpa laughed, punching him playfully in the shoulder. "We'll talk tomorrow. Good night," he replied as he shut the door with a soft click.  
  
" Good night," Arnold whispered, his head swirling with revelations he'd never dare acknowledge before.  
  
Helga lay in bed, unable to rid herself of the image of Arnold's pale, distraught face gazing out the window at her. She couldn't have imagined it, she was sure of that now. She just didn't realize it at the time.  
  
" How could I be so insensitive? He looked so sad," Helga's voice was low and thoughtful. She couldn't place the unfamiliar feeling that was drowning her soul. Could it be..remorse?  
  
" I have to call him," she spoke calmly. " If I at least make sure he's okay, then I can finally get some sleep,"  
  
She reached for her phone groggily, dialing the number swiftly. " At least I haven't forgotten his number," she mused.  
  
The phone rang loud and shrill, jolting Arnold from the light sleep he had let himself succumb to only moments before.  
  
He rubbed his eyes, glancing at the caller ID before picking up. He nearly dropped the phone when his bleary eyes finally made out the words: PATAKI, B.B.  
  
" Sunset Arms, Phil speaking," Arnold lied quickly, practicing his flawless imitation of his Grandpa.  
  
" Oh, I'm sorry. Is Arnold there?" Helga gulped nervously.  
  
" Arnold? I'm afraid the shortman's already in bed for the evening," Arnold held his breath in anticipation. Why was Helga calling him so late? Could it be that she felt badly for ignoring him half the day? He waited with bated breath for her next reply.  
  
"Oh. I was hoping to catch him," her voice trailed off hesitantly.  
  
" Well, would you like to leave him a message, young lady?" Arnold practically giggled at calling her a young LADY, but kept his composure.  
  
" Uh...that's okay. Just tell him Hel-"  
  
"Helen of Troy called? I can do that," Grandma's voice interuppted from the downstairs phone line.  
  
Arnold dropped the phone as though it were forged from molten lead. Crap, he thought he had picked up the phone before anyone downstairs had a chance.  
  
" Is that you, Pookie? I need some more toilet paper for the water closet," Arnold spoke up, thrusting the phone to his ear once more. If he could just throw her off, he could get her off the line.  
  
" Phil? I thought you went out to get ice cream! What's going on?" Grandma demanded in a hostile voice.  
  
ICE CREAM. The words resounded through Helga's subconscience, jolting some sort of lost memory. Why did that word initiate such anxiousness and need for privacy?  
  
" I..I have to go," she stammered nervously to the bickering couple on the other ends of the line. " And it's Helga, Grandma. Tell him HELGA called," she clicked the phone off without waiting for a reply.  
  
" Eleanor's such a nice girl," Grandma commented, hanging up her end as well.  
  
" HER...NAME...IS... HELGA!!!!!!!!" Arnold screeched into the dead reciever, a car alarm blaring in response in the distance.  
  
He pulled the covers up over his oblong head. " Only ten more hours of this, if it's only a 24 hour type of curse," he muttered, gritting his teeth. He relaxed moments later, as the thought that Helga had called him sank in.  
  
Pulling out his makeshift locket and a penlight, he gazed into her empty blue eyes, the darkness enveloping them. " Tomorrow, my love. Tomorrow I return to poor, dense Arnold, and you, to harsh and aloof Helga." He kissed her image quickly and shoved it back under his night- shirt.  
  
" I just hope I remember what I've put you through, and never repeat it again," he whispered, sleep finally overtaking him once more.  
  
@@@@Okay, kind of a transitional chapter. The 24 hours will be up at 8 am, during the bus ride to school! Many shenanigans and funny plot twists to be expected! Thanks, and hope everyone isn't too disappointed by this one! 


	8. Rude Awakening

****Once more, thanks so much to all of you who R/R-you truly inspire and encourage me to do my best! As with my other fic I just finished, I have another idea to work on after this one is completed. Hope everyone enjoys this installment!  
  
Chapter 8 Rude Awakening  
  
" I SAW, I SAW (YOUR FACE) AND WOW! I SAW, I SAW (YOUR FACE--)"  
  
The alarm clock blared in Helga's sensitive ears, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. "Man, THAT'S sure going to take some getting used to," she murmured, slapping at the snooze button in an involuntary motion.  
  
Normally, she'd be sleeping like a baby still, that is, until either natural sleep patterns caused her to awaken late for school as usual, or Miriam woke her on her way to the corner grocer's for last minute smoothie ingredients. Either way, it had never occurred to her to set an alarm clock before.  
  
She swung her long legs over the side of the bed, ready to face another day. A day where she could hopefully face Arnold, and confront him on the weird way he'd been treating her since yesterday.  
  
As she brushed her hair, she thought about the "old" Arnold, the Arnold who, as of late, she had been thinking might possibly, for whatever reason, really like her. Now he was acting like she was some kind of pond scum. " I'll never know what's going on with him unless I ask," she spoke firmly to her reflection.  
  
She stared at the girl in the mirror, and could scarcely believe her eyes. She had completely forgotten to fix her long hair in her standard pigtails, and it hung loose down her back. Her normal ghostly pallor was erased, and a healthy flush shone in her complexion.  
  
" I have GOT to keep eating all those vegetables, it's doing me a lot of good," she whispered, smiling a funny, lopsided grin at herself.  
  
" I have GOT to get a new alarm clock," Arnold muttered to himself as he pulled his shaky legs into his blue jeans, silently cursing the day. " In 7 years of schooling, I have never once been late! Why didn't Phil or Gertie at least try to wake me up?"  
  
"HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARNOLD! HEY ARN-"  
  
Arnold flung a sneaker at the faulty contraption, shattering the potato and Arnold figurine into a million pieces.  
  
" Who asked you?" he muttered, retrieving his shoe from the rubble.  
  
Helga grabbed a piece of fruit from the freshly stocked bowl on the counter, gathering her backpack and coat in her free arm.  
  
" Good morning, sweetie," Her mother chirped, planting a moist kiss against her forehead. " You're up early," Miraim's normally haggard face lit up in a smile.  
  
" Yeah, part of my new routine, I guess," Helga answered through mouthfuls of apple. " Are you going to your meeting today, mom?" she eyed her warily.  
  
" Yes, as a matter of fact, I am, and I have you to thank for that, honey. Oh, and speaking of which, I know how much you love cappuccino, so I dug out that machine thing that makes them that Olga uses when she visits! It took a few trial runs, but I think I got it right," She held a steaming, frothy cup of caramel colored liquid in front of her. " So you won't be late,"  
  
Helga beamed in response. " Thanks, mom! I really should cut back on the caffeine monster, but I appreciate it nonetheless," She raised the hot drink to her lips, taking a long, soothing sip of it before replacing it on the counter top. " Gotta run, tell me all about your day when I get home!"  
  
" Would it kill anyone to make a decent cup of joe around here?" Arnold grumbled, his clothes rumpled and eyes bleary. He had already drained 3 cups of coffee into his young body, emptying the pot in the process. He stared harshly into the dank, empty pot.  
  
" Rations is rations, Tex, and besides, you usually leave the coffee for us older cowpokes," Grandma's tongue stuck out the side of her mouth in determination, flipping a wayward flapjack onto the already towering stack. Oskar licked his lips in anticipation.  
  
" Whatever," Arnold muttered apologetically, gathering his backpack as he stood up. " I'm running late,"  
  
" Hope you have a better day, shortman! Tell Helga hi for me," Grandpa laughed slyly as he grabbed the morning paper, having already eaten four pieces of toast with raspberry jam.  
  
He watched his grandson disappear amidst the usual flurry of cats and one lone pig.  
  
Arnold only scowled in reply.  
  
" Good morning, Helga," Phoebe stammered anxiously as her best friend plopped down beside her. She looked abnormally pretty, her face flushed from the cold air. Although Phoebe was already aware that some sort of personality switch had occurred between Helga and Arnold, she had no idea how long the effect would last, and therefore didn't know which side of her friend she was about to encounter.  
  
" Morning, Pheebs. What, no Japanese this morning?" Helga smiled slightly, cocking an eyebrow in mock surprise.  
  
Still switched, Phoebe concluded silently.  
  
" Well, you normally detest the use of my second language before your customary intake of caffeine laden beverage, and I was respecting your numerous requests to withhold any foreign tongue prior to lunch period," Phoebe smiled nervously. " Speaking of which.." she held out a small, Styrofoam cup, still warm to the touch. A chocolate creme filled doughnut with pink frosting and little heart sprinkles lay amidst a flurry of white tissue paper in the bag next to her.  
  
" Thanks, but I already had mine," Helga grinned. " My mother, of all people, made a pot at home." She pressed the usual amount of coinage into her small, unoccupied hand. " But thanks for thinking of me,"  
  
The bus screeched to a halt on Vine Street in front of the familiar, red brick building.  
  
" Great, here we go again," Helga whispered, the hydraulics hissing as the door squeaked open. Involuntarily, she slumped in her seat as he passed, her eyes downcast. Phoebe's eyes narrowed at the sight of Helga's blatant attempt to avoid her obsession.  
  
" How's it going, my man?" Gerald held up his hand to do their special handshake as Arnold plunked down next to him. He was swiftly rebuffed.  
  
" No hand jive this morning, Gerald, I have a headache," Arnold muttered, his fingertips lightly massaging his aching temples.  
  
" Whatever you say, Arnold, I told you about them late nights online," Gerald retorted, only barely disguising his hurt tone.  
  
Arnold knew his lack of enthusiasm probably confused Gerald, but all of his attention was already fixed on the flaxen haired beauty in front of him, her head lower in the seat than usual.  
  
If my calculations are correct, only 4 more minutes of this, he thought to himself miserably. It wasn't that the thought of being like Helga that tormented him, however. He was desperately afraid that he wouldn't remember a thing about the last 23 hours and 56 minutes. He silently willed himself to recall every emotion, every moment that he felt despair.  
  
Things have to change, I can't just sweep her feelings under the rug any longer, he thought to himself...Nor can I ignore my own feelings now..  
  
" Man, I'm telling you Pheebs, I don't know how Arnold does it! All this do goody stuff leaves you with barely any time, especially for yourself," Helga whispered, her eyes wide with nerves.  
  
Maybe that's why Arnold never seems to notice me, that is, unless I'm in some kind of peril...he always comes through in a pinch. Hey, why is my head starting to hurt?  
  
" Five, four, three, two, one,.." Arnold counted off slowly, his voice barely audible.  
  
A deafening crack of thunder and a fiery glow of lightening lit up the entire bus.  
  
Rain that had been threatening to escape the heavy dark clouds all morning now poured forth freely.  
  
Instantly, Arnold's headache dissipated. "I'm back," he whispered slowly, lowering his hands to his lap.  
  
" Crimeny, doesn't any one aboard this rat trap have any ibuprofen? My head's killing me!" Helga moaned angrily from the seat ahead of him, one finger jammed into her temple in an attempt to ease the pounding in her brain.  
  
She's back, Phoebe observed quietly. But what will she remember?  
  
*** Okay, kind of a little cliffie for you guys! I was afraid it was getting too lengthy, and I wanted to type their reactions in a separate chapter. I'll update soon, and as always, R/R, you guys rock!! 


	9. Come Undone

***Well another chapter come and gone. As always, thanks so much for all the love and encouragement! This has been a really enjoyable fic to write, but even more enjoyable thanks to all the positive feedback and critiques. That said, on with the show.  
  
Chapter 9 Come Undone  
  
Helga gripped the sides of her head in agony. Just moments before, she'd been having a light and interesting conversation with Phoebe, then WHAM- instant migraine.  
  
" Here you go, Helga. I'm ever so sure this should help you with your headache," Lila purred in a soothing voice, dispensing two small, yellow tablets into her outstretched hand.  
  
Helga tossed them in her mouth, slugged down a huge gulp of the abandoned coffee, and sighed.  
  
" Is that better?" Lila asked, her green eyes filled with a kind of concern, intermingled with raw fear.  
  
" Oh gee, Lila. You're right, aspirin is EVER SO frickin' effective the moment you ingest it! SHEESH, of course I'm not better yet, Ms. Perfect," Helga growled in disgust, her eyes closing in pain as she finished her sentence.  
  
Lila stalked back to her seat, her face twisted in sort of a grimace, but she kept her eyes focused on her green patent leather shoes.  
  
Arnold winced slightly at her biting words, knowing in an instant that something significant had just taken place...he was just unsure now of what. " Why do I feel so weird, like there's something I'm supposed to be remembering?" he whispered to himself.  
  
" Man, Phoebe, I feel like I just got hit by an ice cream truck," Helga moaned, her eyes only half open in her agony. " What's been going on? I feel like I'm a step behind or something,"  
  
" You...don't recall the events of the last 24 hours, Helga?" Phoebe's eyes filled with concern.  
  
" Naw, I'm just putting you on. OF COURSE I don't know what's been going on, other than I have the mother of all migraines! Look, if you have some idea of why I'm here, without any recollection of the past day, with a throbbing headache, then for Pete sake, SPILL IT!"  
  
" Why are you so quiet, Gerald?" Arnold ignored the moaning and muttering in the seat ahead of him, noticing for the first time since he got on the bus that his best friend had been completely silent the whole ride.  
  
" Me? Oh, no reason," Gerald answered, his voice edgy. " I'm surprised you're speaking to me in a decent tone of voice at all, frankly," Gerald turned his eyes once more towards the game pal in his hands, pushing the buttons a little too fiercely with his thumbs.  
  
" What do you mean, decent tone of voice? When have I ever been rude to you before, other than our fight over running Mrs. Vitello's, that is." Arnold looked broken hearted at his friend's aloofness.  
  
" Oh, maybe the past 24 hours, for example," Gerald muttered under his breath, averting his eyes purposely.  
  
" What 24 hours? What day is this?" Arnold scratched his head, feeling very bewildered at the scenes unfolding before him.  
  
" Look man, I don't know what's been up with you, but you seen to be back to normal now, and that's all that matters, I suppose." Gerald shut off his game, shoving it in his backpack as the school bus rolled to a clumsy stop  
  
" Just forget all about it, okay? Truce," Gerald held out his hand tentatively.  
  
Arnold did his special handshake with his friend, and a smile spread across Gerald's once somber face. " C'mon, we better get to class before Bubba takes the good seats,"  
  
"I really think we need to talk privately," Phoebe lamented as an ill- tempered Helga exited the bus. " I think I can help fill you in on the past day's events," She gripped her notebook in confirmation.  
  
" Sure thing, just let me give the drugs time to kick in, Hyerdahl," Helga whined uncharacteristically. " I haven't had a migraine like this since Olga graduated valedictorian from Wellington College,"  
  
" Take your time, but I have pertinent information. It's quite earth shattering, too, so please, don't make any snap judgements or comments until we go over the contents of my notebook, PLEASE," Phoebe's voice wavered helplessly.  
  
" Whatever, Dr. Freud. I just want to make it through chem with my cerebellum in tact," Helga moaned, although with somewhat less intensity.  
  
The lunch bell rang a long, loud peal throughout the halls of P.S. 118 as a stampede of young people made their ways through the corridors. Helga waited impatiently for Phoebe at their usual table, her stomach growling fiercely.  
  
" There you are," Arnold gasped as he sat down, having run the entire length of the school to catch up with Gerald in the cafeteria. Sweat trickled down his face as he leaned against the table, sucking in his breath hungrily.  
  
" Where's the fire, buddy?" Gerald dug his lunch money out of his pockets and led him towards the lunch line. " It's meatloaf day. I don't think I'd be in any sort of rush to eat this stuff," Gerald laughed good-naturedly, happy to have his best friend back to normal.  
  
" No fire, I was running from Devin," Arnold grabbed a painful stitch in his side, his breath returning. "You know, that foreign exchange student from France? He's really mad at me about something," His eyes darted around the room anxiously.  
  
" The French kid? Ha! It's no wonder, you took him out like 3 times yesterday," Gerald chuckled, grabbing a chocolate milk from the cooler.  
  
" Took him where?" Arnold held his own tray as mashed potatoes, broccoli, and meatloaf smothered in questionable looking gravy were mounded on his plate.  
  
" To the clinic. You knocked him over twice, I THINK by accident, and oh yeah, shoved him once too,"  
  
" By accident?" Arnold gulped, swiping a tapioca pudding from the dessert tray.  
  
" Nope, NOT by accident," Gerald answered smugly.  
  
"Okay Pheebs, what's all the drama about?" Helga's head lay atop her lunch box, a bendy straw stuck in the side of her mouth as she slurped ice cold chocolate milk through it. She pushed a strand of pale blonde hair behind her ear. " I didn't even have time to put my hair back today," she grumbled.  
  
" Well, first of all, don't panic," Phoebe's own lunch of a watercress sandwich, carrot sticks and thermos of steaming chicken broth was laid out symmetrically in front of her. She took a sip of her iced green tea before speaking again.  
  
" What I'm about to tell you may come as a complete shock,"  
  
" Get on with it, I'm starvin' here," Helga muttered, draining the milk with one long sip.  
  
" Why don't you unpack your meal then?" Phoebe suggested, becoming highly agitated at her friend's non -chalantness.  
  
" Uh, news flash Pheebs, I think the last time Miriam packed me a lunch, she was on the wagon, and I don't mean the band wagon," Helga answered grimly, painfully acknowledging her mother's alcoholism.  
  
" Open your lunch box, Helga" Phoebe repeated quietly.  
  
" Ugh, WHY? Are you out of shaving cream or something? There's nothing in there but some random household items, perhaps some oregano and fish food? What's it to you?" Helga's eyes narrowed suspiciously.  
  
" Just open it, please," Phoebe pleaded, her own eyes wide with concern.  
  
Helga grunted, but complied.  
  
Seconds later, the lunch box clattered to the floor, its contents spilling out haphazardly in the process.  
  
" She packed my lunch," Helga whispered, her face going a ghostly white.  
  
Phoebe gathered up the apple, packet of cookies, turkey sandwich on wheat and celery sticks and dip that had flown onto the tiled floor just moments before.  
  
" Precisely," Phoebe responded evenly.  
  
" So she's.."  
  
" In rehab again," Phoebe finished the sentence hesitantly.  
  
" But how?" Helga wore a painfully confused expression.  
  
" Let's start with the bus ride to school," Phoebe began, cracking the notebook open as her friend leaned over the rows upon rows of her neat, precise handwriting, chomping on the apple absent-mindedly.  
  
" And I've been acting like a complete loon for the past 24 hours? Huh, I wonder what's up with that," Arnold sighed, grabbing his gym clothes from his locker as the lunch bell signaled the end of their afternoon meal. " I'm sorry, Gerald. I don't know what must of come over me,"  
  
" Don't worry about it. Like I said, Helga was in bully mode when you got on yesterday, and her bad attitude must've just, I don't know, rubbed off or something," Gerald grabbed his own gym bag off the floor, following Arnold towards the gymnasium.  
  
" Yeah, but its not like I haven't dealt with Helga, or her mood swings before,"  
  
The boys entered the locker room amidst shouts and mild cursing, the normal clamor of 6th grade boys in a group.  
  
" I sure don't get it though," Arnold muttered as he pulled his sweater up over his oblong head.  
  
" Well that's the best explanation I could come up with," Gerald answered dryly, turning his back momentarily to shed his own red football shirt.  
  
Arnold unbuttoned his plaid shirt, pulling out one arm. As he did so, the cold metal from his house key pressed against his bare skin.  
  
" Man, it's freezing in here," Arnold grumbled, his hand closing over the key as he shivered slightly. But it wasn't just a key that he held in his enclosed fingers. Some kind of ..paper key chain?  
  
He was about to examine the mysterious key chain clutched in his hand, when the warning bell rang. He pulled on his white tee shirt quickly, releasing the suspicious item as he did so. It would have to wait until after gym.  
  
" I can't believe we have to play against the boys," Rhonda complained loudly, her perfectly tan legs crossed in her pristine white gym shorts. " It's completely barbaric,"  
  
" I think it's just ever so delightful," Lila smiled, her eyes half lidded in excitement. She was newly single, and a room full of boys didn't sound at all revolting to her. She twisted her finger around a long red braid that hung over her shoulder.  
  
" Are you sure what you think happened, actually HAPPENED?" Helga whispered unsuccessfully to Phoebe as they sat on the visitor's side of the gym, waiting for their forced co-ed basketball training session. Helga was clad in pink shorts and a white tank top, her long blonde hair back in a simple ponytail.  
  
" As I have told you at least 20 times since lunch, yes, yes and YES," Phoebe uttered vehemently. Her standard wire frames were nestled safely in her locker, contacts in their place. Her medium length black hair was pinned back in a very similar style. " There's no other logical explanation,"  
  
Coach Wittenburg blew an ear splitting blast on his whistle, halting all conversation in the process.  
  
" Okay, chittlins, it's time to commence with operation teach the ladies a thing or two about b ball," the graying behemoth of a man bellowed, winking to the boy's side of the gym.  
  
All the girls groaned or scowled at his sexist remark, but got to their feet.  
  
Arnold searched the other side of the gym, his eyes coming to rest on the object of his affections: Lila.  
  
She was being picked to be point guard on the first group to go out, her light green shorts over her freckled legs. He smiled, but it felt empty. That's strange, I usually feel all flustered when I see her.  
  
" Okay, Arnie! Look alive, I want you for point guard against Sawyer!" Coach Wittenburg yelled, breaking his train of thoughts.  
  
The boys took their position against the girls: Stinky, Sid, Arnold, Gerald, and Harold, against Lila, Nadine, Rhonda, Katrinka, and Patty. Lila made eye contact with Arnold, but her eyes were cold and uncaring. Arnold frowned, not knowing why she was mad or more importantly, why it didn't really bother him.  
  
Another whistle blast, and the ball was in play. Sid dribbled up the court, past Nadine, and around Rhonda. " Ugh, you're dripping your nasty sweat on my one of a kind Spumoni running shoes, cretin!"  
  
" Stinky!" Sid passed the ball, nodding in his direction.  
  
" Okey Dokey," Stinky yelled back, slamming into a brick wall in Patty Smith. The ball dropped out of his hands, and was scooped up by Katrinka.  
  
Arnold watched the scene with great concentration, but he felt a heavy stare on his being as he did so. He ripped his eyes from the game momentarily, just in time to lock eyes with her.  
  
Helga G. Pataki.  
  
Her icy blue eyes stared at him in bewilderment, almost in fear of him. His heart gave a funny leap, an unfamiliar lightness. She had been smiling somewhat until his eyes had locked onto hers. Now, all trace of happiness was wiped clean, and her mouth seemed to be forming words in slow motion. It was almost like he could read her lips-LOOK OUT-  
  
Arnold collided head first with Lila, the two of them screeching across the freshly waxed gymnasium floor. A harsh whistle blast and the game came to a standstill.  
  
" Man, I'm really sorry Lila," Arnold leapt to his feet in embarrassment. He extended a hand to the disheveled red head lying in a heap.  
  
She took his hand hesitantly, standing with exaggerated difficulty. " Thank you, Arnold," she replied distantly.  
  
" It's no-"  
  
His words died on his lips as Lila bent to pick up his torn key chain, tangled amongst her sneakers.  
  
Realization of sorts began to dawn on him, and he suddenly had NO desire for anyone to see that red paper heart as it dangled next to his house key. He made a desperate grab for it.  
  
But it was too late. Lila's eyes narrowed evilly. " Is that a picture of ...Helga?" she whispered, her voice inaudible to anyone but him.  
  
His face colored scarlet. How on earth did such a thing come to be around his neck?  
  
Luckily, another calamity struck right in that instant, freeing him from further confrontation. No one had seen the mysterious key chain but him.  
  
Helga, however, had passed out cold.  
  
*****MORE TO COME MY PRETTIES! MUHWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!  
  
" 


	10. Thats Why They Call It BlackMail

****Well how was that last one for a cliffhanger? Okay, so I've done better ones. LOL anyway, I say this every chapter, but THANK YOU so much to those of you who review me without fail, you truly keep me focused and on track with this story. A special Thanks to Bella12 who just read this story, and STILL reviewed every single chapter-you are so sweet! Much love to all my readers, whom I will acknowledge in full at the end of this fic. On with the show!  
  
Chapter 10 That's Why Its Called Black Mail  
  
" Pataki! Can you hear me?," Coach Wittenburg bellowed, standing over her crumpled form as she lay sprawled amongst the bleachers. A crowd was gathering, with a misty eyed Phoebe closest to her side.  
  
" Speak to me, Helga," Phoebe stammered, lightly fanning her with her gym towel.  
  
Helga's eyes fluttered. What the heck just happened? She was just sitting there, watching Arnold as usual, when she noticed he was going to run smack into little Ms. Perfect. No, that didn't cause it..  
  
" Where ever are you going, Arnold?" Lila spoke lowly, clamping a small hand firmly on his shoulder as he tried to advance towards the semi conscience Helga.  
  
" To make sure Helga's okay," he answered a little too harshly.  
  
" Oh, I'm certain she'll be ever so fine," Lila lowered her eyelids in emphasis. " that is, now that she'll know your little secret,"  
  
Arnold flushed scarlet for the second time that class period. He had been hoping that Lila was going to let the key chain incident drop.  
  
" Look, Lila, I know what that thing looked like, but you have it all wrong,"Arnold strained to peer out over the gathering student body for signs of life. " Can't we just forget all about.."  
  
"...That thing!" Helga spoke a tad bit too loudly. Her mind snapped back into the here and now, the image of her face plastered to what looked like a make shift locket. And it had been hanging around Arnold's neck, much like her own secret treasure! Had anyone else seen it? Her face tinged with pink as she sat up slowly.  
  
" Whew, you had us scared there, little lady," Coach Wittenburg nodded toward's Sheena's aunt. The school nurse smiled and replaced the smelling salts she had been about to administer in her medical bag.  
  
" What thing?" Harold asked abruptly. " What thing were you going on about when you woke up, Helga?"  
  
She had been about to make a sarcastic comment to throw him off, when the throng of people around her began to disperse. Obviously, only blood or unconsciousness drew a crowd in this school. Her shoulders relaxed as Harold shrugged and turned away as well.  
  
" What thing were you referring to?" Phoebe whispered, helping Helga to her feet.  
  
" Phoebe, we need to talk, PRONTO! Let's meet at your house after school," Helga tried to keep her voice calm and even. She steadied herself as the rest of the class rejoined the basketball game. Looking out amongst the crowd, Arnold was no longer anywhere to be seen.  
  
" What are you getting at?" Arnold whispered urgently as Lila drug him into the aclove just outside the gym doors. He knew she had gotten a good look at that key chain, but he was unsure of how or why he was wearing it to begin with.  
  
" Nothing, Arnold. Just that maybe you don't want everyone to know your secret crush is really Helga, and not me at all," Lila stuck out her bottom lip in a mock pout, but her eyes danced with excitement.  
  
" She's not my secret crush, Lila," Arnold folded his arms in exasperation, but inside his head he was screaming. " And I don't have a crush on you, either for that matter." Huh, what do you know? That felt kind of good to say.  
  
" Oh Arnold, I know that I haven't been a very good friend to you. I was just saying that perhaps Helga would like to know of this little, shall we say, obsession you have with her. I know for a fact that she'd be just ever so happy about it," Lila fluttered her lashes for emphasis.  
  
" What do you mean, she'd be HAPPY?" Arnold overlooked her "obsession" comment for the moment.  
  
" Why, I'm ever so sure that I recall an incident in fourth grade where I was told that a certain abrasive, monobrowed bully just happened to be in love with you," she leaned into him, her perfume making him nauseated.  
  
" You're saying that you heard Helga likes me?" Arnold took one step back from her, his head swirling. " Fat chance,"  
  
" I didn't say liked, I said LOVES," Lila replied pointedly.  
  
" Okay, loves. Whatever. Anyone can start a vicious rumor, Lila," he lowered his eyelids in disgust.  
  
" Oh, I heard it from an OH so reliable source," Lila smiled, but it failed to reach her eyes.  
  
" Okay, saying that it was a reliable source, what does that matter? I find it very hard to believe, and even if I did, what's it to you?" Arnold was now very sick of her " oh so" stupid charade. He just wanted to get back into that gym and check on Helga. Why did that matter to him so much all the sudden?  
  
" Okay, don't believe me. But when Helga's dating some other guy, and not you, it'll be your fault that you didn't seize the moment," Lila brushed her braid over her shoulder and went to enter the gym once again.  
  
" Hey Lila," Arnold stopped her momentarily, his curiosity getting the best of him. " Just who was your "reliable source" anyways, not that it matters," he tried his best to look disinterested.  
  
" Oh, no one important," Lila smiled again cruelly. " Just Helga herself,"  
  
Arnold was cemented to the spot. The sudden realization that Lila might be telling the truth hit him like a thunder bolt. The Fti confession ran through his mind.  
  
You might even say that I really REALLY like you. Heck, I like you so much that you might even say that I-  
  
" C'mon buddy. Class is over. What are you standing around in the halls in your gym shorts for? Got a hot date?" Gerald ribbed him, holding the swinging doors to the boy's locker room open for the both of them.  
  
" Not exactly," Arnold muttered, his heart in his throat.  
  
Lila made her way through the girl's locker room, her eyes searching the crowd for one girl in particular.  
  
" I can't believe he was wearing some kind of locket thing," Helga whispered to herself as she finished her brief shower. She wrapped a thick pink towel around her thin frame, gathering her unsoiled gym clothes as she exited the steamy communal showering area.  
  
That can only mean that he does..  
  
" Does it strike you as oh so odd that Arnold had that weird looking keychain under his gym clothes just now, or is it just me?" Lila leaned against her gym locker, her voice so low that only Helga could hear her.  
  
" Back off, Red,. I don't need you getting all Single White Female on me," Helga blushed at her words, but brushed them aside. This was Lila we were talking about here.  
  
" Oh, I have no interest in your naked body," Lila stretched her arms over her head casually. " I was just going to make you an oh so delicious offer, that's all," Her green eyes glittered dangerously.  
  
" Yeah, well I've seen enough prison movies to catch that drift. You're not my type," Helga chuckled slightly, pulling her under things on beneath the towel to shield her nudeness from Lila's prying eyes.  
  
" But Arnold is," Lila purred.  
  
Helga's towel dropped in surprise.  
  
" Nice tan," Lila murmured sarcastically.  
  
Helga grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head in one quick motion.  
  
" I think I know your angle, Lila. Just remember what I said 2 years ago, one word to anyone and I strangle you to death with my bare hands," Helga hissed through her teeth.  
  
" I'm ever so sure there will be no need for violence," Lila cowed a bit, knowing Helga would pummel her at any given moment. She had to play her hand quickly before the opportunity was lost.  
  
" Then spit it out, what do you want?" Helga brushed her long hair back over her shoulders.  
  
" I want you to help me get Barnie back," Lila blurted out finally.  
  
" Get Barnie back? What'd he do, piss you off? Okay, here's what we'll need. A watermelon, a box of thumb tacks-"  
  
" No, not REVENGE get him back, I mean in a relationship again," it was Lila's turn to go red at this comment.  
  
" What's in it for me?" Helga shot, looking over her shoulder. The locker room now completely empty save for her and Lila.  
  
" I help you get the oh so great love of your life, and you help me get mine," Lila looked her directly in the eyes.  
  
Helga didn't know what to do. According to Phoebe, and the long list of thank yous she'd received all day, she had been a different person yesterday. One that was good, loving and kind. If she could be that way all on her own, Arnold would have to notice, maybe even admit he had some kind of feelings for her.  
  
She looked into Lila's desperate face once more.  
  
On the other hand....  
  
CLIFF HANG ER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More later!~ 


	11. Moment of Reckoning

***A/A*** Another chapter come and gone. I'm trying to space my chapters apart as far as posting them goes, I don't want to overwhelm everyone by posting them too quickly! Thanks again so much to all of you who review, and have reviewed every blessed chapter, you truly inspire me. I love all the new and updated stories I'm reading lately, I know that I am in good company! Hope everyone has a great Turkey day and enjoy the little HA! Marathon that Nick is giving us! That said, on with the show!  
  
Chapter 11 Moment of Reckoning  
  
Arnold sat in his sixth period, contemporary poets, his head filled with everything but Keates.  
  
Bits and pieces of the past day were coming back to him, the first thing being the origin of his "special key chain." He remembered now, his sudden need to emblazon Helga's likeness onto a semi permanent surface. He also remembered a little too late his poor treatment of Devin DeLacour, the French foreign exchange student. He shuddered at the vague memory of knocking the poor kid to the ground on more than one occasion.  
  
Then there was the whole Lila situation. What did she mean, Helga told her that she loved him? Why would Helga divulge something that earth shattering to someone like Lila, her most despised enemy? Arnold had never fully understood why Helga hated her so, he just figured it had something to do with Lila's innocence and sweet disposition.  
  
Yeah, where was that sweet disposition? Helga eyed her warily across the room of their sixth hour, speech. Lila was staring intently at their very young, very cute instructor as he rambled about the importance of inflection. It was no secret that just about every young girl in her class had a crush on the newly hired teacher, save for Helga, that is.  
  
Her mind raced. Why on earth would that goody-goody Barnie dump little Miss Perfect? As much as Helga hated to admit it, Lila was indisputably one of the prettiest and seemingly nicest girls in their class. Barnie was exactly like her, in a boy's body. Handsome, in that simple, corn fed way, remarkably genteel and witty. He was also paper-thin to someone as mature as Helga, who saw right through his "aw shucks" routine from day one. No, there must be some other girl that caught his attention, that was the only reason Helga could come up with for him dumping someone as sickly sweet as Lila.  
  
And now Lila Sawyer, all people, was seeking her help. No, it was more like blackmail, really. She alone bore witness to Arnold's secret locket, besides Helga and presumably Arnold. She grimaced slightly. She always knew Lila was manipulative, she'd just never been at her mercy in that way before. Would she really spill the proverbial beans if she didn't help her get back in Barnie's good graces?  
  
Helga's blood boiled at the very thought, her hands tightening into two white knuckled fists of fury. No, she knew the consequences. She had seen the raw fear in Lila's eyes when she threatened to put her lights out earlier. Helga smirked at the recollection, delighted that her powers of persuasion hadn't dimmed much over the years.  
  
Arnold slumped in his seat as Mrs. Skelter droned on about the significance of The Jar Bell, when it suddenly occurred to him. His right fist ached unbelievably all day, and he had no idea why. It was in that moment he had felt it rather than heard it, the harsh, hot breath rasping against his neck, making the little hairs stand on end. Brainy!  
  
He felt his sore hand twitch involuntarily, and it flashed through his clouded mind: Brainy, sneaking up on him for no reason. Brainey, wheezing away behind him all day yesterday. Brainy, lying in a bloodied heap at his very hand. Arnold gulped, then slowly turned to glance at him sideways.  
  
" Uh..(wheeze) ..How's it going? (wheeze)" Brainy wore a dazed and glassy eyed expression, white tape holding together the shattered remains of his wire- rimmed glasses.  
  
" Brainy, about yesterday," Arnold whispered, his voice barely audible over Mrs. Skelter's ambitious ramblings.  
  
" Its..(wheeze)..okay..(wheeze).." Brainy halted Arnold's heart felt apology right away. " Helga (wheeze) was too busy (wheeze) to be bothered yesterday," He grinned eerily, his face flushing a light shade of pink.  
  
" Uh, I didn't know it was a pleasure getting stomped by her everyday," Arnold narrowed his eyes in confusion. " Don't you get sick of it?" He silently acknowledged Brainy's unspoken acceptance of his apology.  
  
" No..( wheeze)..I don't mind..(wheeze)" He smiled again, this time his eyes crinkling in delight. " I think...(wheeze).."  
  
" That I'll help you out, Red," Helga finished, her eyes rolling heavenward impulsively. She couldn't believe she was saying this, especially to whom. What did she really have to lose? Lila was offering her another chance to be mentored in her peaches and cream personality, and she didn't even want Arnold! She leaned against the rows of navy blue lockers, her arms folded defensively over her chest.  
  
" I'm oh so certain you won't regret it, Helga" Lila smirked happily. She gathered her books from her locker as they spoke. " When do you think we should begin?" She fluttered her eyes emphatically.  
  
" As soon as humanly possible. Oh, and Lila?" Helga gathered her own backpack as the two of them exited the school.  
  
" Yes?" Lila answered quizzically.  
  
" If this actually works, and I really get farm boy to take you back, do me one favor," Helga lowered her eyelids in a half-lidded stare.  
  
" Anything,"  
  
" Quit leading Arnold on," Helga spat, spotting Phoebe across the crowded courtyard.  
  
" I'm oh so sure I don't know what you mean," Lila answered, but she was speaking to dead air. Helga had already joined her best friend as they made their way towards the bus.  
  
Arnold caught up with Gerald just seconds before the buses were raring to leave. " Where have you been, Arnold?" Gerald spoke softly, his eyes searching the bus for his girlfriend. " I waited ten minutes after Spanish, but you were a no show," Gerald slid into the seat directly behind Phoebe and Helga, the two girls' heads bent together in furtive conversation.  
  
Arnold slid into the empty space next to Gerald, his eyes averted from the tall blonde girl seated in front of him. His cheeks burned crimson as he felt the indention of his " Helga key chain" as it dug into the flesh of his thigh, the torn plastic laying crumpled in his front jeans pocket.  
  
" I was, uh, catching up with an old friend," Arnold spoke half truthfully. Brainy had explained at length, between raspy breaths, of the softer side of Helga that people rarely saw. He saw her contemptuous blows as a defense mechanism, and therefor bode her no ill will.  
  
" Why did you follow me all over yesterday then?" Arnold had asked quietly, avoiding the reasons why he must of felt the need to slug him more often than not.  
  
" You seemed to need a listening ear," was all that Brainy would say on the matter.  
  
" Are you sure that Lila saw the locket in question?" Phoebe asked softly, her brown eyes wide with concern. " Maybe she's just trying to call your bluff. After all, you did faint at the sight of it,"  
  
" How did you know...never mind," Helga's own porcelain features reddened at the comment. " I'm sure she saw it, Pheebs. I just don't have any clue as to how she thinks I can help her win ol' Eagle Scout back, or why he left her for that matter," Helga leaned back against the seat, her arms crossed in frustration.  
  
" You don't remember?" Phoebe asked cautiously.  
  
" Remember what, Pheebs? I barely remember half the stuff people are thanking me for, and I surely don't recall helping Miriam or Bob out either. You seem to be the one with all the answers. What is it I'm supposed to remember about Barnie?" Helga groaned inwardly at the comment.  
  
" That your assumption that his interest in another suitor of the female persuasion is exactly the reason he severed ties with Lila," Phoebe spoke quietly, her face going pale at the words which fell hesitantly from her lips.  
  
"Great! I KNEW it was another girl! Okay, all we have to do is eliminate the competition and he'll go crawling back to Miss Priss. So spill it, Pheebs. Who's the unlucky lady?" Helga's shoulders relaxed a bit.  
  
" I don't think you want to know," Phoebe stalled, the bus doors hissing to a close as the engine revved up.  
  
" Just tell me who it is! I have to know so I can get Lila off my back," Helga spoke impatiently.  
  
Phoebe gulped, gathering the nerve to break the awkward news to her best friend.  
  
" You,"  
  
But the small Asian girl didn't speak the fateful words.  
  
Barnie leaned over from the seat in front of them, a wide smile plastered across his perfectly freckled face.  
  
@@@ Sorry this one is so short, but I wanted to post before Thanksgiving, and I already lost this file once! Thanks again so much to my readers, you guys rock and I hope everyone has an awesome holiday!@@@@ 


	12. Fun In Dysfunctional

A/A****Thanks again to so many of you for the awesome reviews! I know it's been a while since I updated, so I apologize for that! I am also hoping to post a one shot that I am currently working on, too. It will be the first one I have ever done, so I hope it doesn't suck too badly! Once again, there are some awesome stories out there that I am reading of all of you, so keep at it! GL to all and as always, on with the show.  
  
Chapter 12 The FUN in Dysfunctional  
  
Arnold's heart was racing ninety miles an hour. What in blue blazes was Barnie Berkowitz doing talking to Helga? He couldn't make out what was being said, but he knew it...  
  
"..couldn't be anything good," Helga whimpered, her eyes wide with fury. " What do you mean, me? News flash, Dudley Dork Face, I don't like you!" Helga screwed her face up in her best scowl.  
  
"Don't try to fight it, Helga. I have seen past your blustery exterior into your gushy, warm-hearted center. There's no fooling me," Barnie winked a sparkling blue eye in her direction. He looked positively lovesick as he gazed at her over the top of the bus seat that separated them.  
  
" I have no idea what you are talking about," Arnold shot back at Gerald as he leaned in for a closer listen. ""I DO NOT have an unhealthy obsession with Helga Pataki."  
  
" You could've fooled me," Gerald muttered back, his game pal in hand once again as they rode home. " You've been stalking her day and night the past 24 hours, and now you're losing your mind at the sight of her talking to another guy. If that's not an obsessive way to act, then I'm Pop Daddy,"  
  
" Puh-lease!" Helga growled in disgust at Barnie's lame advances. On the outside, she was all outraged and piss and vinegar, but on the inside she was screaming in terror. Barnie was the last guy on earth....  
  
" ..who would ever take an interest in her, that's the only reason I find it fishy," Arnold whispered fiercely, his eyes narrowed in distrust. If looks could kill, they'd be arresting him right now for attempted murder. He knew that it wasn't the only reason he was angry. Could he admit to himself that it was ninety percent..  
  
" Jealousy? Why would I harbor anything but disgust for your little girlfriend," Helga spat, her hands clenching and unclenching reflexively. Her grand notions of convincing Barnie to take Lila back and herself riding off into the proverbial sunset with Arnold were fading fast. Who would of thought the girl she had to eliminate would be her?  
  
" It's useless to fight it, Helga. I think you are absolutely amazing, and I don't mind a challenge in the least bit," Barnie winked again before sitting back down, facing away from the two very astonished girls.  
  
" Phoebe, he has lost his goody-goody little mind," Helga moaned, her lips going pale with fright. " I will get that creepy in-bred brain dead little cretin to crawl back.."  
  
"..To Lila if it's the last thing I do!" Arnold vowed, slumping back down in his seat. Gerald cocked an eyebrow in mild annoyance, but said nothing. Arnold was beyond caring if Gerald knew anything that was going on in his head at this point.  
  
" There was a reason for that personality switch, and I am going to get to the bottom of it AND get rid of Barnie all in one fell swoop!" he murmured under his breath, the muscles in his shoulders tensing at the thought of the alternative.  
  
Helga tread lightly as she ascended the stairs to Phoebe's second floor bedroom. She tossed her book bag on the low bed and flopped on top of her bamboo futon in exhaustion. " Okay Pheebs, let's figure out this personality crap that happened yesterday," Helga yawned, her spirit completely drained. It took everything she had not to end up in anger management again. Barnie's orthodontist would have loved her for all the damage he would have racked up.  
  
" According to my documentation, I noted the first marked change in your personality right before we exited the bus yesterday morning," Phoebe spread her notes out in neat piles around her on the spotless hard wood floor.  
  
" Makes sense, I don't really recall getting off the bus yesterday," Helga replied, rubbing the locket nestled beneath her shirt absent-mindedly. " Next?"  
  
"Next, you were all over Brainy, slugging him and biting everyone's heads off," Gerald explained, tossing a baseball back and forth in Jamie O's fortress like bedroom. "You even referred to your Grandma as Gertie,"  
  
" I kind of remember that," Arnold acknowledged. " Anything else severely out of the ordinary?"  
  
" Oh yeah, you called Helga mean names," Gerald chuckled slightly.  
  
" What kind of mean names?"  
  
"I believe he called you brow girl, pinky, monkey face, and oh yeah, pigtails," Phoebe explained, her face coloring in embarrassment for Arnold. " It took some time to decipher that it wasn't really Arnold saying all of that,"  
  
" And Helga was being all nice yesterday, like she didn't sock Brainy once, and she even gave out semi useful advice from what I hear from Rhonda, Park and Nadine," Gerald shoved a handful of sugar chunk cereal into his eager mouth. " It's like she.."  
  
"..was someone else yesterday," Phoebe concluded, setting her notes aside in a neat stack.  
  
" Sounds like I was too," Helga gulped. " Hey Pheebs, I kind of remember some things, but not everything. I have to ask you...did I ..tell him?"  
  
" No,"  
  
" Oh thank God above," Helga smiled weakly. " Then he doesn't know how I feel!"  
  
" But how do you explain that locket thing then?"Phoebe, her smile fading into nothingness.  
  
" What locket?" Arnold stuttered nervously, certain that only Lila and he had seen it.  
  
" That key chain locket thing. Unless I've been suddenly stricken with glaucoma, I think that was Helga's picture on it, too."  
  
Arnold was silent. " See what I mean about obsessive?"  
  
" Gerald! Phone for you!" Mrs. Johannsen called down the hallway.  
  
" Got it, Ma!" Gerald yelled back, picking up the football shaped phone in his older brother's room. " What's shaking, Phoebe baby?" Gerald purred into the receiver.  
  
" Nothing is shaking, and this is NOT Phoebe," a harsh voice on the other end of the line corrected. " Is your odd shape headed friend there?"  
  
" Who is this and who you calling odd headed?" Gerald muttered in an angry voice.  
  
" Just put him on," the mysterious voice demanded.  
  
" Whatever," Gerald held the phone out to Arnold. "Some jack ass for you,"  
  
" Huh? Who?" Arnold narrowed his eyes, tilting his head towards the receiver. " Who is this?"  
  
" I think you know," the voice replied. It sounded neither male nor female, just monotone and angry. "I know about your crush on Helga Pataki, and I suggest you give it up,"  
  
Arnold nearly dropped the phone in astonishment. " Who is this?" he whispered almost inaudibly.  
  
" Let's say.. a friend. Leave Helga alone, she doesn't love you,"  
  
" And what if I don't?" Arnold was totally freaking out, but he kept his voice calm and even.  
  
" You'll be very VERY sorry,"  
  
Click!  
  
@@@@ I know, another cliffie! I'm starting to like writing those! Anyways, I promise to update soon, a week tops! Gots to go, I'm working on that one shot as we speak! Later days! 


	13. Laying it on the Line

***A/A** Sorry it took so long to update this time, I claim yule time madness! Thanks again to all my faithful readers and reviewers. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season, no matter what you celebrate! Hope this chapter doesn't really bite, to quote Stinky. I don't have any motivation this chapter, other than to get another chap out there for my fans! Thanks again from the bottom of my heart, now on with the show!~  
  
Chapter 13 Laying it on the Line  
  
Helga's feet shuffled as she made her way home, kicking randomly at the brightly colored fall leaves in her path. Phoebe lived close enough that she rarely took the bus home from her house. The autumn sun struggled to break free from the thick blanket of threatening clouds that hung overhead. Helga sighed. That was exactly how SHE felt.  
  
Here she was, struggling to break free of her bully persona, to show Arnold she could be a decent person, yet people like Barnie were causing her to throw that all too familiar shield up again. Little Miss Perfect adding to the mix certainly didn't help any either.  
  
She swung the door to her building open, flinging her backpack against the closet wall with little enthusiasm. " I'm home, Miri-I mean, Mom," Helga corrected herself conscientiously. Phoebe had mentioned that Miriam was actually more attentive to her if she used the maternal moniker in favor of her given name.  
  
An unfamiliar smell hung in the air. Helga's first thought was of a certain Swedish nanny, and that she must have returned to the Pataki house. Nope, no wooden shoes by the back door.  
  
" There you are, honey!" Miriam chirped, her face freshly made up. She was dressed in an utterly hopeful light blue dress, a slight change from her customary purplish-gray garb. A broad smile covered her alert face, showcasing her still radiant beauty.  
  
" Mom?" Helga breathed, her eyes wide with surprise. " What did you do, enter that extreme makeover show? You look...good!"  
  
" Why thank you for noticing, but no. I am just being plain ol' Miriam Annabelle Pataki, or at least the new improved version," Miriam giggled lightly at her own joke.  
  
Helga's mouth hung open in astonishment.  
  
" Dinner is in the oven, and it's almost finished. Would you mind setting the table dear? Perhaps after my second meeting, we can work on that pesky science project you have due next week! Nothing like getting a good head start!"  
  
The phone rang abruptly, giving Helga a momentary reprieve from the onslaught of her mother's new-found chattiness. Sheesh, Phoebe wasn't kidding. Miriam was definitely back in rehab with a vengeance.  
  
Arnold was making his way home from Gerald's at roughly the same time Helga had left for her home as well. He took the bus, however, too anxious to chance the walk home.  
  
He knew he shouldn't let it get to him, but the words of the sullen stranger rang in his ears.  
  
You'll be very, VERY sorry.  
  
Who cared if he had a crush on Helga? And who said he did? He blushed as he thought of the possibility. He knew something significant had been revealed to him as of late, some deeply buried part of his heart was exposed. He didn't know if he dared acknowledge what was happening to him.  
  
The bus halted sharply at the corner of Vine and 33rd street. " See ya, Murray," Arnold muttered as he exited the rusty old machine.  
  
A flurry of fur and pink shot past him as he entered the front door, his movements automatic as he dodged each wayward pet with ease. " I'm home, everyone," he yelled, hanging his jacket and backpack on the hooks inside the doorway.  
  
" That you Shortman?" his grandpa called from the kitchen. " Your little friend was just here,"  
  
Arnold's face instantly colored scarlet again. Grandpa only referred to one person as Arnold's "little friend". He gulped.  
  
" Which friend?"  
  
" I don't know, some kid in a dark cloak. Very mysterious, that one was. They left you some kind of package," Grandpa chewed a questionable looking sandwich thoughtfully.  
  
"Package? Dark cloak?" Arnold's eyes narrowed. " Was it a boy or a girl?"  
  
" Now that's the million dollar question, kiddo. I have no idea, they just asked if you were home and left this for you," Grandpa pointed to a small, paper covered package tied with twine.  
  
Arnold fingered the package gingerly. He sniffed it for a moment, not really knowing what he was actually trying to smell.  
  
" Don't worry, it's not a bomb or any type of chemical warfare," Grandpa chuckled, his eyes gleaming. " Pookie's in safety inspector persona today. She already gave it a once over with the Hillwood bomb squad,"  
  
" Uh...yeah. Thanks." Arnold felt relief wash over him, although he'd never admit it to anyone else. " I'm going up to my room to do my homework," Arnold dashed out of the room, package in hand, stopping only 2 seconds to snatch up his backpack.  
  
" No problem, Shortman, I'll call you when dinner's ready," Grandpa called after him. He smiled. " Kids these days and their secret agent games. Some things never change,"  
  
A much different scenario was taking place across town. A certain young man was listening to Spumoni, snapping his fingers to the syncopated beat. He ran a black comb through his already perfectly coifed hair, winking at his reflection as he did so.  
  
A picture of an infinitely beautiful red head was perched in the center of his chest of drawers. He glanced down at it and flipped it face down with a quick flick of his wrist.  
  
Lila Sawyer. Nothing but a plastic piece of arm candy. The young man choked back a scoff at the thought. Fiddling through his briefcase, he withdrew another portrait, this being of a lovely young woman, her face devoid of feeling or warmth. Her blonde hair was cut in soft layers to her shoulders, her piercing blue eyes the focal point of the picture.  
  
He slapped some scotch tape on the 3 by 5 inches of school issue picture and taped it to the top right hand corner of his mirror. He smiled with a great deal of satisfaction at his handy work. This was his new muse, the object of his boy hood affections. He couldn't believe she'd been below his radar for so long! No matter, he saw her true colors now and wasn't the least bit deterred by a little noncompliance on her part.  
  
" Anything's more challenging than picking out green hair ribbons," he chuckled to himself, humming along to the tune of, " You'd Better Not Touch My Gal,"  
  
Tomorrow, his plan of action would fall into place.  
  
Arnold sat cross- legged on his single bed, the tiny paper parcel resting between trembling fingers. He knew this must have something to do with that threatening phone call he'd received only an hour prior.  
  
He ripped one corner of the brown paper lightly, trying to make out its contents with his mind's eye. No such luck. He pulled a little more aggressively, this time exposing a box.  
  
He finished unfolding the layers of plain paper surrounding the box, and a flat, white box lay in the midst of the wrappings. He gulped. No tape or adhesive of any sort held the lid on the box, and he needed only to lift its lid to find out the contents. He took a deep breath, lifted the lid.....  
  
Helga put the cap back on the apple juice, downing half of her glass in one giant swallow. Ever ladylike, she wiped her mouth on the back of her hand before setting the glass to the side of her bureau.  
  
" Okay, think Helga ol' girl," She rambled to herself. " I have to figure out a way to get Barfy to get off my case, AND get him back on Lila's good side," She twirled a pencil absent mindedly in her right hand, her thoughts swirling.  
  
" This is no good," she mumbled, eyeing the yellow writing stick in her hand. She dropped it into a half full cup of pencils, retrieving her favorite purple pen in the process.  
  
"That's better," she smiled, uncapping the lavender hued cylinder. She put pen to paper, trying to scheme up a plan. She bit her lip, the words not coming to her.  
  
"Maybe the pink book will help," she sighed, grabbing a fuchsia covered book from her shelf. She flipped the rose scented pages past her latest entry, only it wasn't there.  
  
" What the-" Helga stammered, turning pages at break neck speed. " Where's my latest poem?"  
  
Arnold dropped the light pink piece of parchment from his trembling hands, a single tear staining the purple inked verses.  
  
*****Okay, kinda lame. I wanted to update before Christmas, as everything keeps creeping up on me! I have 2 kids and a husband to shop for, so I probably won't update til after the big day, but who knows? I might get inspired and need a break from all the chaos. Have a happy holiday season! 


	14. I Love You, You Hate Me

Thanks again to all my super reviewers! I didn't think I would be able to update before Christmas, but inspiration struck. Hope everyone is having a great holiday season! SO many good stories out there for me to read! On with the show!  
  
Chapter 14 I Love You, You Hate Me  
  
The pale pink paper fluttered to the floor. Could it really be? Arnold rubbed his eyes in disbelief...  
  
Where was the last entry to her latest volume of poems? Helga flipped through the pages over and over, but to no avail. Her blood ran cold. Had someone purposely taken it?  
  
The words on the page seemed to leap out at him. In unmistakable purple ink, he read of her utter hatred for him, and how she was only semi bearable towards him for Phoebe's sake. He was SURE she still had feelings for him, but it was right in front of him in black and white, or rather pink and purple. Helga despised him.  
  
She paced the hard wood floor relentlessly. Okay, get ahold of yourself, Helga. There has to be a logical explanation for this...  
  
The doorbell rang, and a bevy of felines and pig alike scrambled back through the door as Grandpa opened it.  
  
" Oh, hello there, little girl," He answered robustly. " Are you here to see Arnold?"  
  
The copper-haired girl smiled up at the octogenarian sweetly. " Why yes, I'm ever so certain that I need to return this book to Arnold. He loaned it to me ever so long ago, and as soon as I saw it, I knew I just had to get over here with it before I let it slip my mind again!"  
  
The doorbell rang at a certain blue three-story walk up almost simultaneously.  
  
" Eh, whaddya want, kid?" Big Bob forced out through gritted teeth. He was trying to be more genial for Helga's sake, but interrupting the Wheel was grounds for termination.  
  
" Is Helga busy?" The dapper young man extended a slightly freckled hand. " My name's Bernard, Barnie to my friends. May I offer you this gift as a token of my appreciation for gracing me with your lovely daughter's presence?" He held a brown paper bag forward.  
  
" Huh? What's this?" Bob opened the bag cautiously, as though afraid it would bite his hand off. His displeasure melted like snow at the sight of its contents.  
  
" I took the liberty of purchasing only the finest snack foods available for late night television viewing. I hope I wasn't too presumptuous," Barnie smiled smugly at Bob's unbridled delight.  
  
" Mr. Spanky's gourmet pork rinds, peppered beef jerky, and a six pack of Mega Jolt Yahoo soda! Kid, you have great taste!"  
  
Arnold's eyes were red rimmed as he slowly descended the stairs at his grandfather's request. He couldn't believe Helga would say such mean things about him! His heart gave a funny leap in his chest as he spied the company at the foot of the stairs.  
  
LILA.  
  
That HAD to be the person who snatched her latest poem! It only made sense! Helga had specifically asked her to quit leading Arnold on if she wanted her to get Barnie back for her.  
  
" She wanted a little insurance to make sure I kept my end of the bargain," Helga muttered, pacing all the quicker. " She knew it was only her word against mine if she spilled the beans to Arnold, but written evidence of my utter and complete devotion? She sure has me over a barrel!  
  
" Olg-I mean, Helga! Get yer hiney down here, someone to see you," Bob bellowed from downstairs. Some things never change.  
  
" What do YOU want?" Arnold grunted, his arms crossed defensively over his broken heart. Normally the sight of Lila would put him over the moon, that is, until he realized how much he truly cared for Helga. He'd been hurt by Lila's brush-offsbefore, but Helga's words were like a slow acting poison, each recollection more damning than the next.  
  
" To return your lovely book, The Mean Witch and The Odd Headed Boy," Lila smiled, her lips gleaming with a fresh coat of strawberry scented lip- gloss. " I'm so sorry I was so late in bringing it back!" Lila fluttered her long lashed at him in apology.  
  
" Whatever you're selling, I'm not buyin," Helga uttered fiercely, her blood curdling at the sight of Bob and Barnie acting all chummy. " Get outta here before I deck you,"  
  
" Hey Hey HEY! That's no way to treat a guest, little lady. This here kid- I mean, young man, brought a gift and everything. Come sit in the trophy room, boy. My castle Es Su castle," Bob puffed his chest out proudly, escorting the smugly grinning Barnie past a fuming Helga.  
  
" Thanks for returning the book Lila," Arnold mumbled, his head still hanging low. " I'm really not in any mood for company. Can you come back some other time?" He looked slowly up into her large green eyes.  
  
" Why certainly, Arnold. To be just perfectly honest, I really only came to thank you for the lovely poem," Lila smiled shyly. " It was ever so romantic to leave it on my window sill, and with tulip as well, they are just my favorite flower of all time!"  
  
" Poem? What poem?" Arnold's head snapped to full attention, his mind racing at the mention of poetry.  
  
" Why yes, Our Helga is quite the little poetess," Miriam smiled as she filled the dishwasher. " She has been writing almost her whole life. She really does think of such beautiful phrases," she gushed dramatically. Yep, still on the wagon.  
  
" Just how did YOU know I write?" Helga eyed her foe warily. She knew he has some crazy crush on her, but this was ridiculous. Anymore razzle-dazzle and Bob and Miriam would adopt him for sure!  
  
" I volunteer in the office, and I sometimes help correct assignments. I've seen some of your work from Creative Writing class," Barnie smiled with a sly wink. " You do great work,"  
  
Helga rolled her eyes. " Okay, whatever you say, Barnie. Could you PLEASE just leave me alone? I have no interest in you, none, CAPUT! Can't you just move on, or better yet, go back to Lila?"  
  
" And I was going to beg Barnie to take me back, that is, until I read this," Lila replied to Arnold, holding out a soft pink envelope. Pink!  
  
Arnold snatched it from her a little too eagerly, causing her to jump slightly. "Sorry," he murmured, ripping the plain pink paper from its sheath. He rubbed his eyes for the second time that night. PURPLE INK AGAIN??  
  
******That's enough for today, sorry it's so short! It would have been much too long had I included all I want to cover with this aspect of the plot, so more juicy stuff to come!***** 


	15. Too Many Takers

***I'm baaaack! Thanks again for all the sweet reviews! This is the chapter where things get really twisted and suspenseful (I HOPE) so bear with me, things might get a touch confusing. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, and Happy New Year to all of you! Sorry, this one is a shorty too! I promise the next one will be more substantial!  
  
Chapter 14 Too Many Takers  
  
" Gosh Arnold, you sure are acting strangely," Lila murmured in awe as he stared bug eyed at the pink document clutched in his hands. She shuffled her feet slightly at the unnerving silence that engulfed the room.  
  
" Lila, when did you get this?" Arnold whispered, a small trace of sweat beading on his paling brow.  
  
" This afternoon, right after cello practice. Then I had Young Business Men of America to attend," Barnie bragged lightly.  
  
" Young business men, huh? That's the kind of go-getting youth we need nowadays," Bob grunted in approval. " When did you say you wanted to take out our Olg-I mean, Helga?"  
  
" Take me out? Dad, I'm only 12! I'm not allowed to group date until I'm 13, that's the house RULE!" Helga moaned in exasperation. "Besides, I wouldn't date that cretin if he was the last multi-cellular being on EARTH!"  
  
" I would never DREAM of disrespecting your father's rules, Helga," Barnie recited smoothly, his prepubescent face the picture of innocence. " Your mere presence is satisfying enough for me,"  
  
" You have GOT to be kiddin' me!" Helga screeched in disgust.  
  
" I think bending the rules just this once would be okay, don't you B?" Miriam smiled warmly as she spooned bread pudding into individual ramekins to bake.  
  
" Now I'm usually not one for rule bending, mind you," Bob winked in Barnie's direction. " But I can't see the harm in one little movie,"  
  
" MOVIE??" Helga sputtered in horror.  
  
" I agree, Helga. Movie dates are so cliche. I was thinking a picnic in the park this Sunday afternoon, followed by a stroll on the docks, that is, if it's okay with YOU, Mr. and Mrs. Pataki," Barnie emphasized dramatically, his expression one of smug and mock hopefulness intermingled.  
  
" Afternoon in a public place in broad daylight? Now you're really speaking my language, kid" Bob nodded in agreement. "It's settled then, this Sunday..?"  
  
" About 1 o'clock?" Barnie ventured his face flush with triumph.  
  
" Great," Bob smiled in satisfaction. " The fresh air'll do ya good, girl,"  
  
" Hello? Did you not hear a word I just said?" Helga's voice escalated steadily. " I am NOT going anywhere with BARNIE BERKOWITZ! If the good Lord came down on a cloud from on high to take us home this very instant, I'd head SOUTH to avoid this moron!"  
  
" Oh, my baby's first date," Miriam squealed in a voice reminiscent of her older daughter's. She hugged Helga with her one free arm as she sprinkled the bread pudding with golden raisins.  
  
" You must have another kid then," Helga hissed through the one-armed bear hug.  
  
" Pipe down and mind your manners, missy," Bob finally interjected. " She'll be ready in her Sunday best, Bradley,"  
  
" Barnie," he corrected quickly.  
  
" Yeah, that's what I meant. Let me walk you out," Bob answered with a forced smile, causing him to look constipated rather than hospitable. He escorted Barnie past a steaming Helga, ignoring his daughter's reddening face and trembling fists.  
  
" Lila, I don't know how to tell you this," Arnold rubbed the back of his neck nervously. " I didn't write this poem," His face colored deeper than the paper still clenched in his other hand.  
  
Lila paused, her delicate features turning thoughtful for a moment, then brightening.  
  
" You big silly, who wrote this for you? They're just ever so talented! I think it was just ever so sweet for you to do this for me," Lila leaned forward to embrace him, but he surprised himself by involuntarily stepping out of her reach.  
  
" Lila, you aren't exactly following me here," Arnold tried again, placing the foreign looking paper off to the side. " I didn't give this to you, either."  
  
Lila's freckled brow furrowed again, but went smooth as glass.  
  
" Why of course you didn't! You were much too shy! There's no need to explain, Arnold. The mere gesture was just -"  
  
" Lila, I didn't have someone give it to you for me," Arnold interjected, his patience wearing thin. And people thought HE was dense!  
  
" Well then you mailed it, or gave it to my father, I don't know. What matters to me is that -"  
  
" I am EVER SO CERTAIN," Arnold's voice quavered as it grew louder, " That I have no IDEA who wrote it, who gave it to you, or that your favorite flower was a tulip! Someone else SIGNED MY NAME!" His oblong face paled with indignation.  
  
The room was stock still for what seemed like an eternity. Lila stood with her arms at her sides, like some forgotten Greek sculpture. A tiny bit of regret began to creep back into Arnolds' conscience, and he cleared his throat to apologize.  
  
" Did you have your oh so likable and adorable cousin Arnie do this for you then? He knows my favorite-"  
  
" Goodbye, Lila," Arnold muttered, holding the door open in aggravation.  
  
" But Arnold," She began, wearing an expression of utter confusion.  
  
" I'll explain it all to you later," Arnold reassured her, clicking the door shut softly behind her as she stepped onto his stoop.  
  
" I just hope I can explain it to ME," Arnold murmured, closing his eyes as he leaned against the door with exhaustion.  
  
@@@@@@@@@@@@@That's All She Wrote! *Meaning me, of course. Not quite the ending I was heading for this time around, but it seemed like a good place to leave it. The poems each party received (Arnold/Lila) are next. Then on to chapter 16! Let me know what you think! 


	16. The Two Poems

************ Per some requests, I am documenting the poems received by Arnold and Lila . Who wrote them??? NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOOWS!!! LOL! Enjoy!  
  
Arnold's Poem  
  
Not Good Enough For You  
  
You think you are so wonderful  
That I hang on your every word  
When the truth of the matter is  
You really are absurd  
  
I hate your stupid football head  
And corn stalk yellow hair  
I despise your do goody attitude  
And the way you pretend to care  
  
I loved you once, that much is true  
But you threw it all away  
Instead of love this hatred  
Grows inside me every day  
  
So take your precious porcelain doll  
And keep her close, well hid  
For she will never love you  
The way I almost did  
  
You shrimpy hair boy paste-for-brains  
I'm no longer anyone's lackey  
My love for you is gone for good  
Or my name's not  
Helga G. Pataki  
  
Lila's Poem  
  
You're Too Good For Me  
  
My love, you are so wonderful  
I hang on your every word  
But if you ever knew my secret  
You'd think I was absurd  
  
I love your yummy spherical head  
And shiny auburn hair  
I guess you've probably noticed  
By the way I always stare (LOL!)  
  
You loved me once, That much is true  
But I pushed your love away  
When in truth my love for you  
Grew stronger everyday  
  
My delicate red haired porcelain doll  
I'll keep you close, it's true  
For no one in the world could ever  
Love you like I do  
  
My angel with the bright green eyes  
Please be mine today  
And give to me a second chance  
From you I'll never stray  
  
Love,  
  
Arnold  
  
SO there it is, not too poetic, but not too bad either !! Any connections?? LOL Wait and see in chapter 16, DETECTIVE WORK 


	17. Round And Round We Go

********Thanks SO much to everyone for all the helpful and kind reviews. Yes, I know Arnold was slightly out of character when he got angry with Lila, but then again, he's seeing for the first time how paper thin she is AND he's annoyed in general with all this poetry stuff. Hope that explains what perspective I was trying to come from. Also, I know I could have done much better with the poetry, but you will see why it's not exactly award winning prose very VERY soon! On with the show!  
  
Chapter 16 Round and Round We Go  
  
" Well I personally think the dark blue sweater with the white turtle neck and navy blue jeans would be the perfect ensemble for the slightly cool fall weather," Phoebe piped up thoughtfully, a finger to her slightly tilted chin. She sat cross-legged on Helga's pink bedspread, mounds of clothing surrounding the tiny Japanese girl.  
  
" Phoebe, you are not understanding what I'm trying to accomplish here," Helga called from the recesses of her walk-in closet. She flung random shirts and skirts as she spoke.  
  
" I'm not trying to be attractive," Helga continued. " I'm TRYING to be utterly and completely repulsive!" Her eyes were wide with agitation as she emerged from the stacks of clothing surrounding the bed.  
  
" That hardly seems the correct way to proceed with this delicate situation," Phoebe smiled smugly. " Why not forgo the date all together?"  
  
" I can't," Helga muttered. " My dad won't hear of it, and Miriam's so excited about it that she actually never mentioned Olga or smoothies all night last night."  
  
" My, that is a dilemma," Phoebe frowned lightly. " I'm not quite sure what alternative route you could take,"  
  
" Oh, I have a plan, Pheebs. With any luck, by this time tomorrow Barnie will be begging Lila to take him back," Helga's eyes glinted with a wild light, a puce tee shirt and olive polka dotted skirt in hand. " Now help me with this curling iron, would ya?"  
  
Arnold paced the hallway on the second floor of the boarding house, running his hands through his already wildly mussed blonde mop. He'd been up most of the night comparing handwriting samples from the previous season's yearbook. He'd just made it past the T's in the girls before succumbing to the overwhelming need for caffeine and nourishment.  
  
The phone rang and jolted his nerves, causing him to jump haphazardly into the path of his grandmother's vacuum.  
  
" Sunset Arms, Arnold speaking," he answered a little winded. He smiled a lopsided grin in apology to Pookie, but she paid him no heed and continued down the hall whistling the tune to " You'd Better Not Touch My Gal,"  
  
" Forget about her," a monotone voice replied lowly.  
  
" Forget about who? Who is this and what do you want?" Arnold's eyes narrowed in anger and suspicion.  
  
" You know who I am and what it is that I want. Forget about Helga. She hates you, don't you see that by now?"  
  
" No I don't. What business of yours is she anyway?" Arnold whispered through gritted teeth. His knuckles were rapidly losing color with the tight grip he maintained on the phone receiver.  
  
" More than you could ever know. Leave her alone, or else I will follow up with my promise to make you very sorry,"  
  
Arnold thought he caught a faint glimpse of familiarity in the voice just then, but chose wisely to ignore it for the moment.  
  
" Maybe you think you know me, but you don't," he shot back vehemently. " I am no quitter and I certainly will not give up until I figure out who you are and what you are really up to," his hands trembled now with pure unadulterated rage.  
  
" Fine, have it your way. You were warned," the voice answered deadly calm. The clicking of the phone rang like a gong in Arnold's ear.  
  
" Bring it on," Arnold breathed raggedly, slamming his end of the phone down as he headed downstairs for a quick bite to eat.  
  
" Helga! Get yer keister down here, little lady," Bob roared lightly. He'd been trying new anger management techniques as of late at his wife and daughter's suggestion, but old habits die hard. He smiled contentedly at the figure in his doorway.  
  
" These are for you, Mrs. Pataki," Barnie smiled sappily up at the vibrant middle aged blonde in front of him. He extended a freckled hand filled to capacity with a huge arrangement of sunflowers.  
  
" Why thank you, young man" Miriam smiled in return, her voice as kind and sugary as ever. She beamed her approval in her husband's direction as she took her good will token to the kitchen to find a vase.  
  
" Okay, here goes nothing," Helga took a deep breath, winking at Phoebe as she did so. " What do you think?"  
  
Phoebe gave the thumbs up sign. " All systems go, Helga. Operation Eye Sore to the rescue!"  
  
" And then the farmer said, " Whatever you do, don't smell that cow," Barnie deadpanned as he finished his joke. Bob and Miriam Pataki roared with laughter.  
  
" Oh, that's rich," Bob guffawed, wiping tears from his large gray eyes. " Where do you come up with this stuff?"  
  
" An old acquaintance told me that one," Barnie sniffed, the smile fading from his lips. " We no longer speak, I'm afraid." His voice trailed off as though deep in thought. His head snapped upright at the creaking of the top stair. "Well here comes your lovely daughter now," Barnie interjected robustly.  
  
Helga descended the stairs slowly, as though for dramatic effect. Her hot pink sandals glinted in the early afternoon sunshine that poured into the sparkling clean windows. Her legs were clad in lavender tights the aforementioned olive and teal polka dotted skirt, and the puce tee shirt hung stiffly across her narrow shoulders, as though it had never been off of it's hanger until that very moment.  
  
The silence was so severe, Helga thought she could hear the paint actually peeling in the living room.  
  
" Why hello Barnie," Helga smiled sweetly, a huge, deliberate glob of candy cotton lip-gloss smudged across her otherwise pearly teeth. She fluttered her heavily caked lashes at him in mock flirtation. " Are those for me?" she asked stupidly, pointing a long fake fingernail in the direction of the daisies he held in his other hand.  
  
" Uh.....yeah.." Barnie tried to make light of the situation, but his eyes told another story. Helga smiled triumphantly at his horror, but quickly hid her delight behind a mask of simpering valley girl.  
  
" That was just so thoughtful! Momma, would you please put these lovely flowers in water for me?" Helga brushed a stiff strand of blonde hair back into her elaborate beehive. " Thanks ever so much,"  
  
Miriam's mouth hung open in shock, but she nodded lightly and turned slowly towards the kitchen, daisies in hand.  
  
Bob finally broke her parent's unified silence. " Went a little heavy on the war paint, Kimusabee," he muttered. " Aren't you kinda young to be getting all gussied up like that?" Bob wore an expression of confusion intermingled with exasperation and horror.  
  
" Don't be ridiculous, Daddy. Just EVERYONE is wearing their makeup and hair like this," Helga smiled again, causing both man and boy to shudder at the glossy spectacle her teeth had become.  
  
" Now have her back by dinner time, Mister, and just maybe you'll score an invite," Bob joked, punching the wide-eyed Barnie in the shoulder lightly. " Take care of my little girl there," Bob practically sprinted from the room, happy to be out of Helga's sight. " Sheesh! What a mess!" he murmured loudly from the kitchen area.  
  
" Ready?" Helga asked, extending her gloved hand to a very embarrassed looking Barnie.  
  
He gulped, but replied confidently. " More than ready. Let's go!" He grabbed her arm precariously and jerked her out the front door.  
  
Phoebe shook her raven head in amusement as she gently opened the door seconds later to follow them.  
  
" Let the games begin," she chortled, taking care to pace herself slowly behind them.  
  
**************** ARGHH! I know where I want this to go, but my transitional chapters are FRUSTRATING ME!! Well, its an update anyways. I hope you all like, more on Helga's evil scheme, the mysterious caller, and Arnold's plan to come!! 


	18. All Signs Point To Yes

****Thanks again as usual for all the wonderful reviews! I'm trying to add some spice and twists to this story; I don't want it to get too predictable! This chapter is going to contain my classic point of view flip- flop, as I haven't done that in a few chapters. Hope you like! On with the show!  
  
Chapter 18 All Signs Point To Yes  
  
The sidewalk was littered with gold and crimson leaves, curled into shining bits of autumn. The air smelled faintly of burning yard refuse and dying grass, but the sun was bright and hopeful in the azure sky.  
  
There were many happy couples walking through the park on this vibrant fall day. A young man with dark hair and his equally dark haired companion strolled hand in hand, smiling sappily at one another.  
  
An elderly couple walked together slowly, the man dragging a cane with one hand as he steadied himself against his wife with the other. All the world seemed right, the air filled with romance. That is, until..  
  
" Look, Barnabie, a picnic lunch all set up for lil' ol me? How very thoughtful!" squealed a beehived blonde of roughly 12 years of age. She dragged her counterpart towards the red and white checked tablecloth that was spread out under a nearby oak tree.  
  
The elderly couple jumped back a little slowly, but effectively. The woman shot a dark look in the young couple's direction, who nodded in agreement. Kids these days!  
  
" Heh, well my name is BARNIE, but thank you, Helga. I thought you would enjoy this if you would just let yourself," Barnie corrected her gently, twisting his wrist free of her iron like grip. He seated himself on a plump throw pillow and gestured for her to do the same.  
  
Helga smiled, sans lipgloss coated teeth. Barnie had finally gotten up the guts 2 blocks back to point out the ungainly glop that stained her front teeth, and she had to admit it didn't bother her at all to wipe the vile stuff off.  
  
She plopped down on the remaining pillow, her legs sprawled about in a very UN lady-like fashion. She stuck a finger in the ramekin of bread pudding that Miriam had insisted he take for their lunch.  
  
" Mmmm!" Helga growled with mock satisfaction. She actually hated bread pudding, but knew that Barnie loved it. She licked her finger thoroughly, then promptly shoved it knuckle deep back into the sole container of the fragrant dish. Barnie gasped audibly.  
  
Helga roared with laughter internally, but painted on a concerned expression. " Why, Barium, did you want a bite first? Let me get you a spoon, sugar!" Helga reached for the large serving spoon sticking out of the picnic basket.  
  
" It's BARNIE, Helga, and no thank you. I see that you are already enjoying your mother's wonderful pudding. I'll just have some-"  
  
" Grapes and berries," Arnold replied to his leery grandfather, who shoved a handful of the aforementioned fruit into a baggie for him.  
  
" Where you headed to with all the produce, Shortman?" Grandpa eyed him with curiosity.  
  
" I have to go look for someone," he replied simply.  
  
" Anyone I know?"  
  
" Not really," Arnold answered truthfully. HE didn't even know this person, not really anyway.  
  
" Okay, well be careful out there. You're my favorite grandson, ya know," Grandpa shoved the bag of fruit, a couple of Yahoo sodas and a pickled herring sandwich into the backpack on Arnold's back.  
  
" I'm your ONLY grandson," Arnold laughed, smiling for possibly the first time in 2 days. " And don't worry, I will be," He sniffed the air with a pained expression.  
  
" Ugh, did Grandma make herring sandwiches again?" Arnold crinkled his nose in disgust at the pungent odor.  
  
" Have no idea, kiddo. Have fun!" Grandpa replied a little too quickly, shoving Arnold towards the door with gusto.  
  
Abner shot in through the doorway as soon as it opened, promptly knocking Grandpa to the floor.  
  
" Blasted Pig! I knew I should have made Mu Shoo Pork out of you when I had the chance!"  
  
" Bye Grandpa," Arnold replied over his shoulder. He was used to his grandfather's constant threats to make a meal out of his favorite pet.  
  
The door clicked closed behind him. The air smelled fragrant and hopeful. Arnold narrowed his eyes in the bright afternoon sunlight. He didn't have a clue where to start looking, but he had to try.  
  
He traced out a route in his head, mentally noting where he usually saw the person he was seeking.  
  
" I'll check the bus stop, BigAl's Cafe, Green Meats, and finally, the park," he spoke aloud to no one in particular. " This is my one.."  
  
" Chance," Barnie muttered under his breath. He couldn't believe how sickly sweet and annoying Helga could be. One more chance, he kept telling himself. He saw her the other day as a totally different person, but this Helga...he had no idea who this girl was!  
  
" Thanks EVER so much for letting me have all this delicious food, Boromir," Helga choked out, practically unable to think of any more weird B names. She motioned to the numerous dishes that littered the tablecloth, each with a huge finger hole poked in the middle.  
  
" I wasn't really hungry, and although I appreciate the Lord Of The Rings reference, my name is BARNIE, not Boromir," he answered her a little harshly. His nerves were obviously rubbed raw.  
  
" I'm SO sorry, I keep forgetting that," Helga smiled back, her eye twitching with barely contained laughter. She pushed her butterfly hairpin a little deeper into the stiff beehive atop her head.  
  
" What do you say we pack all this up and take a stroll to the docks?" Barnie interrupted her thoughts suddenly.  
  
" The docks?" Helga stammered nervously. If they left the park, her plan would be ruined! Her mind raced.  
  
" Yeah, the docks. You know, play some whack a mole, eat a corndog or two?" Barnie drooled slightly, his stomach rumbling from lack of nourishment.  
  
" I'm..I'm.." Helga stuttered, grasping blindly for a response.  
  
" You're?" Barnie asked with a hint of concern in his voice.  
  
" You're going to have to do better than that," Arnold shot at a clearly shaken looking Chocolate Boy. He crossed his arms over his chest in exasperation.  
  
" I don't know, Arnold, I really don't!" the mocha plastered boy spoke nervously.  
  
" I haven't seen 'em since school on Friday!"  
  
" Well I think you know more than you're letting on," Arnold replied smoothly.  
  
" What could I know? I'm a chocolate addicted 7 year old!" His brown eyes squinted in the bright afternoon sunlight.  
  
" You know pretty much anything that goes on this side of the neighborhood," Arnold spoke evenly. " And it's not like I won't make it worth your while," Arnold patted his backpack smugly.  
  
Chocolate Boy sniffed the air delicately. " Is that...is that Godiva hazelnut creme filled truffles?" The syrupy face lit up with delight.  
  
" Maybe. Depends on what you know," Arnold shrugged, leaning back on his heels.  
  
" So maybe I know a little something," Chocolate Boy ventured. He licked his sticky lips in anticipation.  
  
" Keep going," Arnold unzipped his bag slowly, a cream and gold embossed bag emerging slightly from the dark blue recesses of his pack.  
  
" I saw said person twenty, maybe thirty minutes ago,"  
  
A single cocoa dusted chocolate confection was flicked into his eager hand.  
  
" Where at?"  
  
" In the park," he mumbled from his full mouth.  
  
" Where at in the park?" Arnold held out another chocolate, this one drizzled with white and dark icing.  
  
" Under a tree,"  
  
Another treat landed in his cupped hands.  
  
" You better be on the up and up on this one," Arnold rolled the bag of expensive candy closed and shoved it back in his bag.  
  
" WAIT! Don't you need help, like a plan or something?" Chocolate Boy ran after Arnold eagerly, clamping a gooey hand a little too strongly onto his shoulder.  
  
" I have a plan, thanks anyway," Arnold removed his grotesque appendage with disdain. He was far too exhausted and on edge to put up with a cracked out-sugar addict.  
  
" But Arnold, can I have the rest of your chocolate? Arnold?"  
  
Arnold simply stalked off, a boy on a mission.  
  
" Hey, is that a herring and chocolate sandwich in there? Can I have that? Arnold?"  
  
" Arnold," Helga replied dryly, probably for the first time all day.  
  
" Let me get this straight. You can't go to the docks because of Arnold?" Barnie rubbed his chin thoughtfully. " I'm sure that doesn't make much sense, Helga," his blue eyes squinted with confusion.  
  
" Yeah, old football head got me in some trouble down there once, ratted me out for throwing rocks at an old dumpster," Helga lied expertly. Of course her statement held not a shred of truth, she smiled confidently as she could.  
  
" That hardly seems fair to ban someone from the docks because of a little good old fashioned skylarking," Barnie murmured.  
  
SKYLARKING? Who the hell used a word like skylarking??  
  
Helga snapped out of her reverie momentarily.  
  
" Well yeah, but that's how it goes," She fluttered her Tammy Faye eyelashes for emphasis.  
  
Barnie shuddered to Helga's delight, but continued speaking.  
  
" Then I guess we'll just have to go to my "special place", Barnie smirked wickedly.  
  
" If by special you mean touchy feely special, I'll pull your appendix out the old fashioned way, bub" Helga shot angrily, shaking her fist inches from his face.  
  
" Don't worry, no need for physical violence," Barnie reassured her. " You'll see when we get there, you won't be sorry."  
  
But his special place took a back seat to the scene unfolding in front of him.  
  
" Hey, what's HE doing here?"  
  
********** THE END of this chapter anyway, lol! I had MAJOR writer's block on this chapter, but I think the next one will flow much smoother! Thanks to all my readers for being so patient!! 


	19. A Slow Boil

****Thanks for everyone's patience! I had a major case of writer's block last chapter and therefore forced a chapter out, much to my chagrin. It wasn't my best work to say the least! I apologize for an uneven plot line as well; I promise we will come full circle with the personality switch. This is the longest fic I have written to date and I will try to finish it up within five more chapters at the most. Thanks again for all the support and the well constructed criticism, I greatly appreciate both!  
  
Chapter 19 A Slow Boil  
  
Helga rubbed her eyes, causing the heavily caked on mascara to smear into two huge rings of onyx around her striking blue orbs.  
  
Brainy?  
  
Barney crossed his arms defensively. "Just what are you doing here, asthma boy?"  
  
"Uh...(wheeze)..Nothing..." Brainy breathed in reply, his squinty eyes downcast and twitching with delight.  
  
"I see. Alrighty then, let's be on our way Helga," Barney sniffed, shooting Brainy a look of disdain. He despised anyone he deemed less perfect than himself.  
  
"Riiiight," Helga replied slowly, somewhat awed that Brainy had gone as far as to follow her to the park. He normally only tailed her when she was alone. Distractedly, she allowed Barney to escort her to the path leading from the park by the crook of one arm.  
  
Phoebe slapped herself in the forehead. "Where is she GOING?" she wondered aloud. She clutched her supplies in the brown paper bag under her arm: a ball of twine, some fly paper, a box of tacks and a watermelon. How could she pull the tricks Helga had asked her to if they were already leaving?  
  
Just as they approached the path leading out of the park onto the city sidewalk, Helga snapped out of her dream like state.  
  
"Hey, where do you think we're going, bucko?" Helga spat suddenly.  
  
"To the boardwalk, as we discussed only moments ago," Barney replied dryly, as though he were explaining something to a senile old woman for the millionth time.  
  
Speaking of senile old women....  
  
"Eleanor! What a pleasure to see you here!" The crusty old woman was clad in a George Washington wig and full revolutionary war regalia. She had Arnold's pet pig Abner under one arm and what looked like a staff under the other one. She smiled warmly at the towering twelve year old dressed in olive and puce.  
  
"Grandma! I mean, Gertie, how nice to, uh, see you too!" Helga played along, seeing a small but distinct window of opportunity.  
  
"Out on official white house business, I presume," Grandma winked a silvery grey eye in her direction. "I'll keep that under my feathered hat and call it minestrone," she chuckled maniacally.  
  
"Isn't the term supposed to be macaroni?" Barney interrupted the highly unusual conversation. "And wouldn't you have to be Yankee Doodle?"  
  
"TRAITOR!" Grandma shouted at once, drawing a plastic light saber from her sash, dropping the relieved looking pig in the same instance.  
  
Barney's freckled face went ghostly white, while Helga's lips twitched with barely suppressed laughter.  
  
"I was just saying!" Barney stammered nervously. "I'm no Benedict Arnold!"  
  
"Oh, so you even know the treacherous family of which I speak, ey? SPY!!,"  
  
Helga saw her chance, and took it as quickly as possible.  
  
"Come now, General. We don't know what enemy spies maybe lurking nearby, just waiting for the chance to take Valley Forge. Let's let this spy go as. As an example to the enemy. I'll even escort you back to camp as a peace offering. What do you say?" Helga crossed her fingers nervously in anticipation.  
  
"Well....we ARE only fighting this war for freedom from the redcoats. I guess it would be a show of good will not to run you through, teabag," Grandma answered slowly, lowering the tattered lime green light saber. She shoved in back in her navy blue belt sash and narrowed her eyes. "Get thee hence, limey,"  
  
"But Helga, our date," Barney looked at her helplessly. He was torn between running for the hills and continuing his date plans with her.  
  
Helga took the crook of Grandma's arm and smiled sadly as she could muster. "Alas, Brumhilda, I need to escort Arnold's grandmother home before any more innocent citizens are taken under military arrest. I know you'll understand,"  
  
"Well, I .." He stuttered, unable to think of the proper way to defend himself.  
  
"Thanks for the lovely picnic, it was just EVER so enchanting," Helga called as the two of them boarded a horse drawn carriage that had just pulled up. "Au revouir, Barnacle!"  
  
Barney watched as the eclectic but enchanting girl of his dreams rode off with that crazy old lunatic. He rubbed his arm, searching his mind for reason.  
  
Then it hit him.  
  
ARNOLD'S Grandma??  
  
"That's right, your grandma," Stinky and Sid were sitting on a park bench at the opposite end of Tina Park. "She tried to make us sign a peace treaty like, 20 minutes ago. It was weird, even for YOUR grandma," Sid recounted with more than a hint of laughter in his voice.  
  
"You shoulda seen her, Arnold. She had Abner under her arm too. Said she was taking him to the hoosegow for impersonating an officer," Stinky chuckled.  
  
Arnold slapped his forehead, his splayed fingers running the length of his face. He took a deep breath. "Okay, so my grandma is George Washington today, big deal," he murmured impatiently. "You still haven't answered my question. Did you see the person I was talking about?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. About 10 minutes before that, 'round the pond area on the south bank," Sid replied through choked giggling.  
  
"Thanks, guys. I appreciate your help," Arnold grabbed his backpack and stalked away.  
  
"What's his problem?" Stinky asked Sid, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes as they watched their friend storm away.  
  
He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try. He approached the south bank of the pond, searching the scenery desperately for any sign of his suspect. Nothing.  
  
He sat down on a nearby bench in a huff, frustration finally taking over him.  
  
Why did this have to be so difficult?  
  
"Hey, what are YOU doing here?"  
  
********That's it for now! Sorry it didn't cover a lot of the story. I had to get this transitional chapter out of the way in order to get to a conclusion soon! Hope you all like it!******** 


	20. Lost in Translation

*****It's that time again, to update my main story! Hope you all liked my one shot "Bright Lights" in the mean time. A special thank you to Demile who read and reviewed the whole story at once, you are TOO kind!! Just so everyone knows, I was aware that I ended the last two chapters with the exact same line, there was a reason for that. Hope you all like this one, as the story is coming to a close in the next four chapters or so.  
  
On with the show!!  
  
Lost in Translation (not to be confused with the movie of same said title)  
  
The carriage slowed to a stop in front of the south gate to Tina Park. The elderly lady with the Revolutionary war uniform and the mismatched hair don't poster child of a preteen stepped lightly from the polished red contraption.  
  
"No charge, Grandma," Ernie smiled, his voice gravelly and low. He winked and tapped the reins lightly. "Giddy up!"  
  
He pulled away, leaving the two vastly different women side by side. A strange silence engulfed the two, but Gertie broke it first.  
  
"That was a lovely carriage ride, Eleanor. I am so pleased to have spent the afternoon in the first lady's presence," Grandma smiled genuinely. She linked her arm in Helga's resistant one and dragged her towards the exit.  
  
Helga fell into step momentarily. "No problem, G.W.," she deadpanned, referring to Gertie's George Washington moniker of the day.  
  
They walked silently for a few feet until Helga became acutely aware of a sense of foreboding. One swift glance and her fears were confirmed.  
  
They were directly in front of the boarding house.  
  
"Now you must come in for rations. There's plenty to go around camp," Gertie insisted, dragging Helga once more.  
  
"Oh no you don't, I mean, there are the SOLDIERS to think about, and uh, I have to go. Official White business, you understand," Helga stammered, her sense of urgency growing with every step. The last person she needed to run into in this get up was-  
  
"Arnold!" Gertie smiled, saluting her grandson with her free hand. Helga went white at the sight of him.  
  
Arnold paused too, his eyes wide with surprise. He too looked pale, but his lips finally parted.  
  
"Hi Grandma....hi Helga," he answered hesitantly. Not only was Helga a walking fashion disaster, he was also very confused and tentative about his new found feelings about her as of late.  
  
"Hey Arnoldo," Helga shot back, her arms crossing involuntarily over the putrid shirt that hung stiffly against her narrow shoulders. "I was just escorting the first president home before she drafted anyone," Helga muttered, her eyes downcast.  
  
Gertie smiled maniacally. "It's off to Valley Forge with me. Blasted French are never there when you need them," she rambled as she entered the front of the boarding house, leaving the odd couple in an awkward silence.  
  
"Well, I guess I should be going," Helga started first, rubbing her arm lightly. She took a step forward in response.  
  
"Helga, wait" Arnold stepped in front of her path, his eyes locked on to hers.  
  
Her breath caught in her throat. Arnold didn't want her to leave?  
  
"Here, hold on a sec," he stuttered, pulling a light blue handkerchief out of his pocket. Without another word, he gently lifted the said cloth to her face and delicately wiped the charcoal tinted rings from around her eyes, looking intently into her crystalline blue orbs as he did so.  
  
Time seemed to stand still for the 30 seconds or so as he continued his task, gently transforming her face into the recognizable Helga G. Pataki. She stood stock still as he did so, not daring to let a breath escape her lips for fear of the moment ending. All she could feel was the warmth of his fingertips beneath the sweet smelling cloth that moved in circles around her face.  
  
She closed her eyes now, and felt herself take a step closer to him. She could smell his fresh clean scent as a result, and remained uncharacteristically silent.  
  
"What are you doing Arnold?" a high pitched feminine voice assaulted his ears, causing him to drop the handkerchief like a hot coal.  
  
Lila stood behind them, her hands on her hips in a jealous stance. "I thought you were going to escort me to the docks this afternoon for whack-a- mole," she pouted, her eyes glittering like ice cold tundra.  
  
"Docks? I never said I was taking you to the docks, Lila. What are you talking about?" Arnold glared slightly at Lila's presence, while simultaneously glancing at Helga, wondering what her reaction would be.  
  
"Yes the docks, we talked about it yesterday silly," Lila eased up a bit, staring daggers at Helga the entire time.  
  
"He's all yours, chicky," Helga muttered, pushing past Lila roughly. Her beehive was becoming limp from the hazy air and it drooped in heavy rivets of blonde across her shoulders.  
  
"Wait, don't go Helga," Arnold rushed to stop her, only to feel a small hand encircle his wrist rapidly.  
  
"Let her go," Lila smiled sweetly, her eyes bitter with envy. "We have PLANS,"  
  
"What are you talking about? If this is about that poem, I told you it wasn't me," Arnold peered over her shoulder as Helga disappeared from sight.  
  
"I know you said it wasn't you," Lila pouted. "But couldn't it be possible that you are just ever too shy to tell me the truth?"  
  
"I told you the truth. Please, I have to talk to Helga," Arnold struggled to free himself gently from her grasp without being too rude.  
  
"About what, your secret keychain?" Lila released his wrist, her voice barely above a whisper. She wore a thin mask of satisfaction at her own words, watching with delight as the blood drained from his face.  
  
"I will ask you one more time, what are you doing here?" Barnie's placid yet angry voice carried across the late afternoon breeze.  
  
"Barney, I thought you were going home," Lila replied through gritted teeth. She smiled like a person in pain as she slowly turned in his direction.  
  
"Okay, this is just getting weird. What are you both up to?" Arnold crossed his arms, his eyes half lidded in irritation.  
  
"Well I don't know about Miss Cranky Pants here, but I was coming to retrieve my date," Barney spat to no one in particular. He refused to make eye contact with Arnold as he spoke.  
  
"I am NOT cranky, and I highly doubt Helga was on a date with you," Lila responded, her face flushed with anger.  
  
"Helga? On a date with you?" Arnold's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach, a vast chasm of pain engulfing his spirit. "Yes a date. That is, until your loony grandmother interrupted us," Barney sniffed, his eyes directed at Lila.  
  
"Don't you ever call my grandma anything," Arnold growled uncharacteristically, his hands balling themselves into fists without thinking.  
  
"Oh puh-lease, Arnold. I have no desire to fight you," Barney muttered, but he backed away slowly at the sight of his balled mitts.  
  
"Look, Barney, LILA, I have no idea what's going on here, but I have to go talk to Helga, regardless of who's she supposed to be dating or who interrupted who's plans," Arnold turned on his heel, ready to make for the bus stop.  
  
Then he heard it.  
  
"I told you he loved her,"  
  
********Sorry this one was short too. I think it was longer than the last few I put out, but not sure. R/R let me know what you thinks!! 


	21. Realizations

Thanks so much to all of you for the prompt reviews, I feel so special! Okay, so I'm not that special, but many thanks to you all the same! Hope this chapter is a little longer for you all, as I am going to need a short break to write the next chapter. We are getting to the end and I want to finish it off properly! On with the show!  
  
Chapter 21 Realizations  
  
Helga dropped the customary 75 cents into the coin accepter at the front of the rickety old bus, her eyes focused on the lone back seat.  
  
"Rough day, Helga?" Murray questioned, his tone unconcerned, yet strangely pleasant.  
  
"Don't ask," Helga mustered up a response, her eyes never straying from her forward glare.  
  
What the halibut was Lila showing up for all unannounced like that? She thought Lila wanted her little knight in shining armor back, not Arnold, and what was he muttering about a poem and how she was wrong when she left? She hadn't hung around long enough to hear what was really going on.  
  
She folded her hands in her lap as the bus jerked to a start, and grabbed the seat involuntarily to prevent lurching forward. She felt the crumpled cloth under her fingers in that instance.  
  
The blue hanky.  
  
Helga sighed wistfully, examining the smoky black smudges against the baby blue fabric. Why oh why did Little Miss—  
  
"Perfect, just perfect," the highly irritated voice of her fellow classmate broke her train of thought abruptly.  
  
Helga turned her glance sideways towards the agitated ramblings of Rhonda Wellington-Llyod. Helga smirked, despite her foul mood. Whatever was plaguing Rhonda was bound to be entertaining.  
  
"I don't know why I let him tutor me," Rhonda lamented, flinging a piece of notebook paper at her best friend and sidekick, Nadine Morgan.  
  
"It looks like you still got a good grade, Rhonda," Nadine examined the paper momentarily, and then handed it back to Rhonda. "What's there to complain about?"  
  
"What's there to complain about? I'll tell you," Rhonda shot back, her patience growing thin. Helga snickered despite her self at the situation unfolding in front of her.  
  
"I would NEVER write a poem about someone not loving ME," she retorted. "When I wrote my poem for the assignment, all I did was asked Mr. Straight A's to edit it for me, not re-write the entire thing! Can you imagine if Mr. Simmons would have read this aloud? What would people think of me, Rhonda Wellington-Lloyd writing a tome about unrequited love? Me, of all people?"  
  
"Well you should have re-read it when he gave it back to you," Nadine replied simply, her arms crossed in reproach "You know, BEFORE you turned it in?" She was more of a straight arrow than her counterpart and openly expressed her feelings when it came to special "tutoring."  
  
"He's done my-uh, I mean, EDITED my work in the past, after all, he DOES help with the grading during study hall for extra credit. I just can't believe he'd stoop so low,"  
  
Helga was quickly going pale in the back seat, her ears burning like any proverbial eavesdropper would. Could she be talking about..  
  
"Barney? I can't imagine him stooping to anything," Nadine replied, fidgeting with her black widow keychain as the bus rumbled to yet another stop.  
  
"Well he did with this pathetic poem. I mean just listen to this line. My angel with the bright green eyes, please be mine today, and give to me a second chance, from you I'll never stray. How PATHETIC!" Rhonda shoved the offensive literature into her knapsack, exiting the bus with Nadine as she did so.  
  
Helga's eyes narrowed in an all consuming rage. THAT'S where her poem went off to...but why would Barney be using it? She knew what she had to do, and despite the fact that Lila may very well decide to rat out her secret to Arnold as a result, she had no other choice if she wanted to keep her dignity.  
  
She flipped her cell phone open, dialing numbers swiftly.  
  
"Pheebs, glad I caught you...yeah, yeah, I know I lost you...what do you mean someone swiped the watermelon? Wait, I'm getting side tracked here, just meet me at my house pronto, we have a whole other venue to deal with,"  
  
On the other side of town, Arnold was coming to very real conclusions of his own. He wheeled around at the last comment he heard escape Barney's lips.  
  
"Who told you that I loved Helga?" he replied slowly and evenly, fighting desperately to keep his composure. His trembling hands weren't obvious to anyone but him for the moment.  
  
"Anyone with eyes can see that," Barney spat, his eyes averted at his reply.  
  
"I told him you mostly certainly did NOT love Helga," Lila interjected, her face angry and flushed. "Or am I ever so wrong?" Lila whispered, making a gesture at the keychain he had worn around his neck just a day before hand.  
  
Arnold gulped, but continued. "I never told anyone that I loved her," he began  
  
"See?" Lila shot a look of satisfaction in Barney's direction  
  
"But I didn't say that I DIDN'T, either," he finished tentatively.  
  
Both Barney and Lila's mouths gaped at that revelation, but none were probably more shocked than Arnold himself.  
  
He DID love her. Saying it aloud made what he had suspected over the past few years a startling reality.  
  
"The question is," he continued, remembering his focus, "Why do either of you care so much?"  
  
"Well I for one don't," Barney sniffed, regaining his aloof composure. "I simply thought I saw something in her momentarily, but I can see she's still third class white trash," he spat in disgust.  
  
His hand shot out before he had even a split second to think, leaving a white imprint across Barney's freckled cheek. He gasped at the same time as his victim, appalled at his own actions.  
  
"Don't ever talk like that about Helga again, EVER," he managed to squeak out.  
  
"Forget this crap, Lila. It isn't worth it!" Barney bellowed, running like a man on fire in the opposite direction.  
  
Arnold's eyes turned slowly in her direction. She stood stock still like her feet were bolted to the sidewalk. Her face was devoid of color or animation.  
  
He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart.  
  
"Lila, what is he talking about? What's not worth it anymore?"  
  
But Lila's eyes were already clouded with huge, sparkling tears, her lower lip trembling in the process. She just shook her head in response, turning and running in very much the same manner that her ex-boyfriend had seconds before.  
  
"I have to find Helga" Arnold murmured to himself, frustrated and angered at whatever plot Lila and Barney had been playing on over the past few days. "I'll deal with them later,"  
  
"Where have you been, Shortman?" Grandpa opened the door to the boarding house, letting loose about 11 cats and one grubby pink pig as he did so.  
  
"I was trying to find this kid I know, but I couldn't," Arnold replied in a small voice. He had forgotten his thwarted attempts at finding the missing link in all this mess. Fresh disappointment washed over him as he was reminded of his wasted afternoon, wasted all except for those amazing 30 seconds with Helga right here on this spot just 15 minutes earlier.  
  
"Hmmm, well that's alright, Arnold. You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed..."  
  
"I know, try, try again," Arnold answered, completing the old adage.  
  
"I was going to say, find something else to do, but that works too," Grandpa smiled, scratching his chin in thought.  
  
"Grandpa," Arnold sighed.  
  
"Look, whatever's eatin' at ya, it'll have to wait," the elderly man chuckled. "It's dinner time and General Custer waits for no man,"  
  
"General Custer? I thought Grandma was George Washington today," Arnold replied, forgetting momentarily the conflicts that ruled his 12 year old existence.  
  
"Just roll with it, Shortman. I'm hoping she's Heddy Lamar by lights out, if you catch my drift," Grandpa winked wickedly, his eyes twinkling.  
  
"What's for dinner anyway?" Arnold asked, wisely letting the last remark go in one ear and out the other.  
  
"Dinner, you sorry excuse for an regime," Grandma announced from the door way.  
  
A tray of pink fleshed fruit cut into the shape of teepees, horses, soldiers and Indians were clutched in her aged hands.  
  
"Ohhh, not watermelon AGAIN, Pookie!" Grandpa wailed.  
  
*******************Decided not to leave you all in a cliffie this time. More to come very soon! R/R and let me know what you think!*************** 


	22. Sweet Revenge

***Thanks again to all the nice people in review land, I really do appreciate your support and critiques. This story is very close to the end, with no new ideas in sight, at least for now. Enjoy!***  
  
Chapter 22 Sweet Revenge  
  
Helga's mind was a twisted metal trap, snapping up ideas like popcorn as her best friend doggedly scribbled each one into her normally neat and organized notebook.  
  
"And lastly, we'll need to make sure they know to NEVER mess with me, Helga G. Pataki, ever again," Helga smirked evilly, her face freshly scrubbed. She paced the length of her pink and white bedroom like a madman, interweaving the soiled blue hanky of Arnold's in her hands.  
  
"Making sure," Phoebe breathed, jotting the last of Helga's previous remarks. "What do you have in mind?"  
  
"Oh I have an idea, make no mistake of that," Helga confided, flipping the thick white towel off of her mop of wet hair. "I don't think we should write it down, though, for safety's sake," Helga chuckled, squeezing the last few drops of water from her shoulder length blonde hair.  
  
Phoebe wrung her hands anxiously. "Excuse me, but does whatever you have planned involve actions that might possibly cause my untimely incarceration, or at the very least go on my permanent record?"  
  
"Just like the Navy says, Pheebs," Helga retorted, brushing her pal golden locks ominously. "Don't ask, don't tell,"  
  
Robert Simmons laid his dog eared copy of Catcher in the Rye on top of the end table nearest to his favorite chair. He rubbed his eyes gingerly, removing his reading glasses as he did so. It had been a quiet and uneventful Sunday. He had spent the day working in his garden, which produced the last of the season's squash and pumpkins, then re-read most of his favorite book in his spare time after dinner. The world was at peace inside his miniscule 2 bedroom bungalow.  
  
The phone ringing jangled his nerves, snapping him out of his silent reverie.  
  
"Hello, this is Robert," he spoke into the receiver, the smile on his face audible in his upbeat tone.  
  
"Simmons, listen hard and listen good," came a low, monotone voice over the other end. "I am only going to say this once. You have a cheater in your class," the voice droned.  
  
Mr. Simmons frowned vaguely. "I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about. Who is this?"  
  
"Let's just say, a friend. Check Helga Pataki's English Lit notebook. You will find your answers there,"  
  
A soft click on the other end signaled the end of the conversation.  
  
"Helga Pataki, a cheater? I hardly think so," the dazed instructor spoke his obvious doubts aloud. His faithful beagle, Daisy, cocked her head sideways in what looked like agreement.  
  
He patted the dog's head absentmindedly, his mind churning. Suddenly, it occurred to him how to figure out who was behind this.  
  
He picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers, cradling the receiver in his neck as he grabbed a pencil. Seconds later, he was dialing the number he had just jotted down.  
  
After the customary 3 rings, the voicemail to the telephone line picked up.  
  
"You have reached the-"  
  
"Berkowitzes, eh? I think I remember that name," Grandpa extolled as he helped his grandson dry the dishes. "Went to school with a Charlie Berkowitz as a matter of fact,"  
  
"I don't know if that's any relation to the one I know, but he's a pretty awful kid," Arnold retorted, swiping the dishcloth with renewed venom.  
  
"Well, I hate to break it to you, Shortman, but kids can be cruel,"  
  
"He wasn't just cruel. He said things, things about Grandma,"  
  
"I'm sure she's heard worse," Grandpa smirked.  
  
"And he said some REALLY bad things about...about Helga," Arnold felt his face blanch once more at the mere mention of her name.  
  
Grandpa smiled softly, knowing full well the reason for the rosy glow gracing the face of his grandson. He sensibly chose to overlook the obvious for the moment.  
  
"You know what? I actually think Pinky's probably heard worse too, and from better company at that," he patted Arnold's shoulder in reassurance. "Knowing you and your do –the –right-thing- attitude, I'm sure you stuck up for her, am I right?" "Yeah, I did," Arnold rubbed his sore palm carefully against the other. "I uh, slapped him," He shrunk back a little at his own words, remembering the moment in slow motion clarity.  
  
"SLAPPED HIM? Arnold, are you out of your ever loving gourd?" Grandpa smacked a weathered hand against his bald head. "You know violence never solves anything!"  
  
"I know, I know," Arnold lamented regretfully. "It was more of an automatic reaction than anything. I feel really bad,"  
  
"Well what did he say to make someone as rational as you snap like that?" Grandpa sputtered, his voice dripping with trepidation.  
  
Arnold turned scarlet again, but this time from raw fury. "He called her third class white trash," he murmured in disgust. "That was just totally uncalled for,"  
  
"It certainly was," Grandpa agreed, "but nonetheless, I hope you've learned to use your words and not your hands in the future,"  
  
"My words?" Arnold replied in uncertainty.  
  
"Yeah, next time THREATEN to lambaste him one, psych him out a bit, you know the routine,"  
  
"And if he takes me up on the offer?" Arnold smirked incredulously.  
  
Grandpa paused, stacking the last of the dried dishes into the cupboard before answering.  
  
"THEN you put his lights out," he chortled, nudging Arnold slyly.  
  
Lila Sawyer finished the poem she had just written, her eyes glittering with delight. One last going over and she tucked it safely into her English Lit notebook. She sighed despondently as she recalled the day's events and how nothing had gone according to plan. That was all about to change, however, as she had formulated the perfect way to get her man AND keep Helga Pataki from knocking her into next Tuesday. Blackmail was a perfect form of revenge, she thought with a poisonous grin.  
  
She snatched up the parcel of tissue paper that was nestled in her unmentionables drawer, a little something she had literally and figuratively "picked up" a few hours ago.  
  
This was the answer to her catch-22. One look at this and not only would her prince charming come running back to her, but her rival would have to admit defeat as well.  
  
"Tomorrow morning," Lila whispered deviously, "my plan goes into action, and all my dreams come true,"  
  
Helga smiled in satisfaction as Phoebe left, faithful notebook tucked protectively under her tiny arm as her father picked her up in front of the three story blue building.  
  
She knew what she had done and what was planned to be done would have consequences, dire perhaps in nature. It was of no matter to her at this point. Her reputation and her chances with Arnold were on the proverbial line, and no one was going to take either away from her.  
  
Barney was behind this, and she was sure Miss Lila was no more innocent than him. As soon as she was done disposing of her nemesis's, she could finally confront Arnold about the switch that took place between them...and the feelings that could no longer be denied.  
  
"He wouldn't listen to me on the roof of the FTi building," she murmured, cracking her latest pink journal open to the first fresh clean sheet. "This time around, he'll have no choice. I'll make him listen, no matter what his reaction is. Maybe we can find out what caused this whole personality swap thing and why it happened in the first place,"  
  
Across town, a lone figure sat in the early evening darkness, their breath being the only sound in the tiny bedroom they shared with their little brother.  
  
This person knew all about the situation between a certain football headed do-gooder and a brash but kind hearted bully.  
  
Tomorrow, they would end their silence. Tomorrow, the truth would be known.  
  
******************And maybe....if you are all very nice to me, TOMORROW I WILL UPDATE!!! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!Okay, so you don't have to be nice to me, I will still update as soon as I can. Two chapters to the finale!***************** 


	23. Six Degrees of Seperation

Well it's much later then tomorrow, but here's my update! Sorry to those of you who see Lila as out of character right now. It's the way I would see her as considering her position and that she's literally at the end of her rope! I apologize nonetheless. Here it is, the second to (sniff!) LAST chapter in this story! Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 23  
  
Six Degrees of Separation  
  
Helga smirked delightedly as she watched her perpetrator exit the bus the next morning. There was no turning back now, nor did she have any desire to do so. The turmoil of the past few days were still fresh in her memory, providing the fuel she needed to carry out her plan. Sensing she might seem too obvious to make her approach in front of the entire school, she ducked haphazardly behind a tall wastebasket, watching her subject with great interest.  
  
"And then the farmer said, "Whatever you do, don't sell that cow," Lila completed the ages old joke with a flourish. The 4th grade students, who were two years her junior, laughed heartily as they had not been subjected to the increasingly lackluster charm of Lila Sawyer. She batted her mascared lashes coyly as she turned to take her leave. She didn't expect to run smack dab into him.  
  
"So what do you think about this whole situation?" Arnold ran a finger across his lips thoughtfully, his eyes glued unblinkingly to the pretty redhead in front of him. His normally serene orbs seemed cold to her, almost like steel. Could he possibly know? She shuddered lightly at the thought, but soon gained her composure and jutted her chin forward in defiance.  
  
"I am ever so certain that I don't know what you mean, Arnold," Lila replied, her seemingly innocent words laced heavily with venom. "You deny having feelings for me, despite the lovely poem you wrote for me. You claim to love a mean hearted bully, when you know I am the only one for you," She lowered her lashes suddenly and just as quickly flitted them back up at him, her face displaying a look of sheer hope and raw desperation combined into one.  
  
Arnold narrowed his eyes, a look of disgust spreading across his somewhat delicate features. "I admitted it, I do love Helga Pataki. That is neither here nor there for you or your little boyfriend to get all upset about. You had your chance with me, Lila, and it's over now. I don't know who wrote that poem for you, but I can guarantee it did not come from my hand, or heart for that matter,"  
  
He walked towards the double doors of P.S. 118, never looking back. Had he turned his head at that precise moment, he would have seen the shadowy figure that held the key to his dilemma, slinking away under the barren apples trees to the east of the school.  
  
The bell rang and Helga barely had time to slide into her seat in Mr. Packenham's drama class. She had been so engrossed in tailing her victim that she had scarcely paid any attention to the time. She inhaled a ragged breath, and glanced precariously around the room.  
  
Phoebe was already seated in a front desk, her small hands folded delicately against the writing surface, her face a blank canvas whereas normally etched with eager anticipation for learning. Had anyone but Helga observed her, they would think nothing was amiss. Helga knew her best friend better than that, she knew what was really happening behind the blank stare that encased her almond shaped eyes.  
  
She was waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
  
"Robert, are you certain your suspicions are well founded?" Sylvia Masters, PS 118's guidance counselor was leaning against her desk, her lean frame taut with nerves. Her porcelain skin and delicately painted features were furrowed with worry.  
  
"Most certain, Miss Masters. It upsets me just as much as you to think of Barney in that way, but I have absolute proof. I used that star sixty-nine call back service, and it was his number that called me."  
  
Miss Masters tucked a strand of mahogany hair behind her ear. "Okay, kids make prank phone calls, Mr. Simmons. That does not a cheater make,"  
  
"No, but turning in other student's assignments as another's does," Mr. Simmons pulled two pieces of paper from the green folder tucked in his arm and set them on the desk in front of them.  
  
Two identical poems, in purple ink, in near identical handwriting.  
  
After a collective moment of stunned silence, she spoke. "The names read one Helga Pataki and a Miss Rhonda Lloyd. I don't see how this connects one of my best students in the guidance office as a cheater,"  
  
"And I didn't at first, either," Robert sighed, pulling yet another leaflet of notebook paper from his folder. "See the r's on this paper? And the w's? They are the EXACT same as the ones in Ms. Lloyd's paper. That's how I know Barney wrote it. Also, I checked to see which aide was on duty when I had these turned in for grading. Barney was the only aide on duty that day."  
  
Miss Masters rubbed her temples lightly, visibly disturbed at the discovery of her star pupil's involvement in a plagiarism/cheating ring within her own school walls.  
  
"How do you know he didn't write Ms. Pataki's paper as well?" she sighed weakly, sitting at her desk in defeat as she thumbed through her files for Barney's spotless permanent record.  
  
"I know Helga's work," Robert smiled sadly, his heart aching for his fellow educator as he took a seat opposite her. "It's definitely a Pataki original."  
  
That's all for now, guys and gals! I apologize for it being so short but I had to get it out there so I could write my huge final chapter in this saga! Hope all the pieces are starting to fit! Thanks so much for your patience, I have been a naughty little writer in waiting soooo long to post! As always, let me know what you think! 


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